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About this blog

My struggle has only just started...i want to write about it every step of the way. FEEL FREE TO COMMENT. i welcome all!

Entries in this blog

No More.

I won't be sad or angry anymore. No more self pity or wondering "why me?" Because.it wasn't just me. It happened to all of us and will continue to. I am determined to make something positive out.of this. I will make a difference. For me, for my baby, and for women of the future.

BrightEyes19

BrightEyes19

Dear Rapist

Dear rapist. I hate what you did. I hate that I didn't see it.coming.. I hate that it was obvious you were nervous and I was probably your first. I hate how ur nasty unknown body was on me and that you couldn't even look me in the eye. Or my face for that matter. I hate how fucking scared I was of that probably stolen gun to later realise that there most likely wasn't even a fucking clip in it let alone bullets. I could have walked away instead of trying to make sure u didn't kill me. I hope ur

BrightEyes19

BrightEyes19

Uhk.

Its kind of depressing to think that I'll never get over it. That I have to learn to live with it. That no matter what I won't ever be able to forget. Why do things like this happen? Why are people so sick and selfish? I use to think so highly of the world and people in it! I use to pity people. Now when a stranger walks by I get my keys out and brace myself for the potential harm they're gonna do to me and the fight I'm gonna put up this time. That's not who I am or how I think. I'm the type to

BrightEyes19

BrightEyes19

First Nightmare

Had my first nightmare last night....I think.it was because I saw a man who sort of looked like him. I don't remember the details of the dream I just know it freaked me out and it was about that..seems like things are getting worse everyday instead of better.

BrightEyes19

BrightEyes19

Hmpft.

it seems im using this blog as more of a diary.. im not really sure what your suppose to use a blog for but i guess public diary works. After i was raped the security gaurd at the Holiday Inn had told me he had seen my rapist walking around for hours before all over the place. His negligence infuriates me. You dont think to say something like "sure are you having trouble finding your room?" "do you need help?" that would be the ideal thing to do wouldnt it? especially since that was his job!

BrightEyes19

BrightEyes19

So Angru

Everyday. I think about it everyday. Most of the time I'm angry. I don't think I've ever had this kind of deep anger before. I can feel it boiling in the pit of my stomach. I can feel my heart trying to pounce out of my chest. I try to stay strong. I try to keep calm but its so fucking hard!! I shouldn't have to feel this way! I shouldn't be this angry ! But I am. And the fact that this will never be erased from my mind makes me angrier. I had other things to worry about. Now I have to think ab

BrightEyes19

BrightEyes19

No Hope...

Before this happened, i never really thought of myself as a feminist. My mom has always been a big one. I never saw the big deal though. Its not like we arent aloud to work, and i thought there was always justice for when bad things happen to us. I never really experienced the sexism for myself so i didnt understand the whole feminist movement. But then again, i hadnt lived enough life to really notice the differences in treatment i guess. After all i am only 19. But after being raped, afte

BrightEyes19

BrightEyes19

My Story..so Far.

This is kind of hard to do because im not sure where to start... Theres so many beginnings that i could use once i actually think about it. My mom got a job out of country so she wanted to make a few pit stops to see family that lives across the country. This was a little under a month ago. It worked out because my great grandmothers 96th birthday party was that weekend. We went. My second day away from home we stayed at a Holiday inn. My cousin wanted to stay in our room. the two of us wen

BrightEyes19

BrightEyes19

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