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Viceless

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Trying To Pretend Less

Sometimes all the therapy, self care, learning to see things differently...feels like a waste. My therapist asked me where I could be myself. I realized I’m not even myself some times when I’m alone. I can’t let my guard down with myself. Faking it till I make it isn’t gona work tho. 

Viceless

Viceless

 

Feelings Around Family

I know I’m suppose to find something good or change the picture somehow but I see nothing good coming out of all of this. 

Viceless

Viceless

 

Helplessness...

I feel like a little kid again with no options... I’m stuck unless I want to lose everything, which I don’t. 

Viceless

Viceless

 

I Hate Chronic Pain

Chronic pain takes such a toll on my mental health. Obviously it affects me physically but some days it’s just really hard to not give up. 

Viceless

Viceless

 

How It Feels Most Days

My therapist is saying it’s important to change the picture after I get all the bad stuff on paper. It's hard to think of positive things and feels like a waste of time since my reality isn’t changing. I’m hoping these small things add up tho.     

Viceless

Viceless

 

Maybe it’s not worth it...

Why are we the ones going thru Hell when it’s not our fault? How do I live with what I know? How long can I pretend to be ok before I have a serious mental breakdown? Do things ever really get better or do we just tell ourselves they will? What’s the point of being “aware” and facing everything if it just makes me feel worse? How did I end up the one in this situation? What is the overall reason or purpose or is there even one? Why is no one on my side? Ev

Viceless

Viceless

 

Downward Spiral

I don’t recognize the me that comes out on paper. I guess that’s the point of drawing feelings. 

Viceless

Viceless

 

Feelings Showing Up In Body Sensations

I seem to be going backwards the last few days. Breathing has been worse than it has been in a while and the depression...is strong. I’m barely eating. I just want to be ok. If just one person in my life understood me, it would make all the difference. 

Viceless

Viceless

 

Confusion...

Neither side looks very peaceful or calm. The right side was suppose to be the good side but I don’t know what it turned in to. The words on the left are how I feel I think. The right side is how I’m perceived/described by others. 

Viceless

Viceless

 

Running To Myself Away From My Abusers

I went for a run and tried to imagine what my therapist told me. She told me to imagine your running away from them, to you. I couldn’t see myself or even imagine what I look like.         

Viceless

Viceless

 

Todays Feelings...

My therapist told me to draw my feelings but then draw a peaceful calm place to balance it out and help me sleep better. 

Viceless

Viceless

Not Sure What This Is

Not Sure What This Is

I think I may be a little dissociated. I drew this in the last hour but I can’t remember what my thought process was or what I was trying to say. I’m still not sure what to make of it except that I’m pretty dark...

Viceless

Viceless

 

How I Feel 2 Weeks After The Confrontation

I hate everything about you right now. I hate how comfortable and happy you are. I hate that you have no physical pain. I hate that you went back to normal after I told you something you did that completely altered my life. Something you remember doing. I hate how little power I have over everything and how Dad trusts and respects you still. It feels like a betrayal every time Dad talks to you like he doesn’t know what you did. He talks to me about you casually like I want to hear a damn thing.

Viceless

Viceless

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