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About this blog

For me this picture means a lot. My gf and and I bought a land, the one  beside (left, up side of) the huge house on the right side at the end of the dead end. It's a goal and goals help me to go forward. A land with trees and a future Victorian red house.  

Entries in this blog

 

I fear...

To collapse completely. I'm seen as a tank my my friends. They don't even know what happened during too many years... I always keep going forward, I aim and reach my objectives. During college I collapsed for the first time. I stopped college, but I kept going to school after. When I dropped, I reoriented myself. Anyways, I didn't like it. I never took a break to think, it was a continuous reflections. I ended working, went back to school and now working and studying to reach the last level of m

Goldeneye

Goldeneye

 

I'm worried about a friend

I don't know why, but I'm worried of a good friend. She's not having good time and she underestimate herself. I hope she'll read this post and understand it's her.  We started to chat on a question I asked her and we kept answering each other. We talk of everything and nothing. We talk of our days and sometimes of our problems. I think she's becoming to be on of my best friends in only a few weeks. It's weird.. sometimes I'm afraid it's a dream.. in all the friends I had, most of them are n

Goldeneye

Goldeneye

 

My relation with sex

The first time I had some regardless of rape, it was with my gf. I wanted to wait to the marriage, but looks like it happened before. Our first time, I was cold as a rock and completely absent. I was in memories of r***. It took me some times to appreciate it a little.    I'd say I ended addicted. I remember before losing my sex drive, it was almost annoying myself. If I would approach my gf and if she didn't wanted, I would m***** so it could clear the... need. I never wanted my gf to

Goldeneye

Goldeneye

 

April 2020

Note to myself, new entry at top.  2020-04-28 I’ve sleep from around 1h30 am till 9am. A good night of sleep would be 10h and I know I didn’t sleep well cause I moved a lot and my blanket are all around. I remember a little of my dream. Today, I walked after diner with my mom and did nothing after oh a public chat and the nice chat with that good friend. The public chat went well, the first time since I’m using the new chat. I may not end chat mod, but I really want to help people in

Goldeneye

Goldeneye

 

Why...

Sometimes, I wonder why did I go back there, I know I said I was use to it since it lasted around 10 years, but I knew I didn’t like it… I should of knew it would happen. Why would it been different than the day before? Why there’s a part of me that keep appreciating him ? He just used me. Did he knew what he was doing ? I love myself on a regular basis, but on that point, I hate myself and I’m far from forgiving myself. I was never drunk (except once but it was long after him, but I drank in hi

Goldeneye

Goldeneye

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