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About this blog

I'm a recovering addict. I was sexually abused by my preacher as a child, and suppressed it for years. I was also physically abused by my father, and left beaten and bloodied regularly. I want to, heal, and exorcise the demons I've kept inside for so long. I want my pain to ultimately help someone else heal.

Entries in this blog

Nightmares and Insomnia (and swearing!)

I can't fucking sleep! I feel as though I am living out "A Nightmare On Elm Street", and that Freddy Krueger is nipping at my heels. I don't want to go to sleep because of the nightmares I have, but I'm so fucking tired that I can hardly keep my eyes open. Shit! I drink to numb the pain, and to try to go to sleep, but it doesn't work anymore, nor is it a healthy method of coping! I know this! It doesn't actually make any sense for me to not want to fall asleep, yet drink to try to sleep. I
judas10

judas10

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The short version of my story (TW)

I want to be clear...I self-medicate. I try to numb myself in order to cope with my past. It's not healthy. It's not how I should cope. But, it's my current reality. I don't want to keep this up, nor can I continue to drink like I do and expect my past to go away, or my life to get better. I'm slowly killing myself, and it pisses me off! However, I am currently trying to get into rehab, although my insurance is denying my request (another story)! From the start, I was physically abused by m
judas10

judas10

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