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About this blog

Every survivor wants freedom. With each day that goes by we get a little bit closer to achieving that freedom. This is a blog about me gaining my freedom from the trauma I suffered.

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When I posted my story I wasn't prepared for the response I had so I appreciate every one of you that reads this. I feel less alone. So now I want to open up more to everyone. The first So most people know when you say no to someone who wants sex or say stop i don't want this it's considered rape. Well not me. My ex BF raped me I said no. I said stop. He didn't listen. If he would have done it with a condom maybe i would have been okay with it i don't know. I missed my period that month and went a few weeks thinking i was pregnant. I also suffered really severe stomach pains. Where was he then. Nowhere to be seen. My fiancee and i had just started seeing each other and he was ready to step up and be the father if i was pregnant. To make matters worse my ex wanted me to abort and when i said i wouldn't, he wanted me to put the baby up for adoption, when i said no to that he wanted the child to have his name if it was a boy or his grandmas if it was a girl. The good news I wasn't pregnant. But I was raped. I am just coming around to this fact. I remember him saying something about a girl trying to get him for SA before. He basically didn't care about that fact since nothing really became of it

      So now I have decisions to make. Do I want to report it? If I report it and it goes to court the defense can rip me to shreds if i end up having to testify. On the other side I don't want him to get away with it again.... I feel like he just kept me around as his little fucktoy. Everytime we hung out he wanted to play. But i'm more than just a play toy right?


Struggles thats all i have left to say.


My Story

      I don't remember the exact age I almost want to say I was 18. I was sold in an online auction to some guy in Aussie. For those who don't know what Aussie means it means Australia. The guy paid half of my price promising to pay the rest. Well the rest never came. Now these guys were stalking me and the suggestion is it was someone who worked at the group home I was in who helped drug me and take me to a condo by some beach. I remember the beach smell. They tied me up and beat me with a belt and called me derogatory names. I wasn't really coherent because of the drugs I was given. Then they took turns sexually assualting me. The thing that gets me the most is the fact they sat me in the shower and bathed me while the shower was in my face. I somehow got back in the middle of the night during the night shift.  Thats the basics of what happened. without the vulgar and gross details. 

      Now i struggle to do a lot of things that I used to do.Showering/taking a bath is so hard for me. I am scared of males I don't know. I get scared of dark SUV's and Dark small cars. I feel like they took everything from me. I feel like this constant battle of anxiety. There are days I don't want to get out of bed. It's complicated how I feel.

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