So I was looking up things that you cause use for self defense in Canada hoping to find something that could help me calm down when walking. The thing is pretty much all forms of pepper spray or stun guns are illegal. I don't want to seriously hurt someone trying to get away......... knives are allowed to be carried but bear spray in urban areas isn't allowed and you can get picked up by the cops if you have a knife and they think you're suspicious........ what is wrong with this picture?
About this blog
A blog about what I've gone through and updates on how things are going
Entries in this blog
Every day seems so long........ I cant sleep....... I can barely make myself do the things I need to............ what should I do?........... nothing helps..............
After spending around 5 hours with my sister today and it being my best friends birthday I cqnt even bring myself to smile. There's still a good amount of time left in the day. I just feel so numb.
Today was a bit better, but I still had a total panic attack at lunch though. I'm not sure how to deal with this stuff at work but its getting better
I don't even know what I want anymore. It always feels like it's my fault. If only I could have realized it sooner. I can barely stand to be at work, it feels too crowded, and like someone is pushing on the sides of my rib cage. How can I make this better?
You guys cann call me Kat or Kath. I want to explain what happened to me. A year and a half ago I had an ex over to my place. He lives in a different country and I really wanted to meet him in person so I baught him a plane ticket to see me so he stayed with me at my apartment. About a week after that was a pay day for me and it was about a month before Christmas. So on my way home from work I picked up some lingerie and a big fluffy bath robe. After taking a shower I put them on and got teasing him. He kept demanding to see what I looked like in it without the robe and I said no. A couple hours later we went to bed. After a little bit of getting too warm I pulled off the robe and fell asleep. The next thing I remember is slowly waking up and he had his hand down the front of my panties. I tried to turn away but he kept at it. Then the next thing I remember is being completely naked and having him on top of me. I still couldn't comprehend the thoughts to make my mouth say no or even think it. Then he was inside me and..... my body responded with pleasure instead of how I wanted it too. After I woke up again in the morning I couldn't remember it at all. I only remembered it about a week ago and every day has been a challenge since. I would just like to know that I'm not wrong after so long to suddenly remember......... to have been blind to it for so long......