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About this blog

"Fill my lungs up, pour my heart out, peel my bones away
Crack my window, shed my shadow, excavate my pain"
--Excavate//Macklemore

Entries in this blog

 

We Broke Up

Well, I did it. I broke up with Libra. It came out of a lot of thinking and a stable mind, thankfully. He drove out to visit, we had a normal night of dinner and our TV show (at home of course), and went to bed. When we woke up and realized there wasn't much to do (rainy weather, no close friends in the area), he became notably upset and aggravated. I asked him what was wrong and he just pushed it off as being bored and wasn't mad. I'll spare all the details, mostly because I've said it all enou

leosun

leosun

 

1 week down, 15 weeks to go.

Wow, this week has been a rollercoaster. The combination of 3 days of pure anxiety after my mom went into the hospital, starting new classes, seeing old friends and making new ones, I am exhausted. Luckily, I'm feeling very in control of everything right now. I am managing my time fairly well and preparing myself for balance in the future. I know it can't always be this relaxed, but I'm finally feeling some calm after a crazy storm of a week. Libra is coming to visit this weekend, and I think I'

leosun

leosun

 

So. Much. Anxiety.

Holy cow. my thoughts have been racing for nearly the entire day. I can't sleep, I have to get up for class in 7 hours, and I can tell this is only going to get worse the later I stay up. I'm trying so hard to fall asleep. Everything is racing and I'm so anxious I feel like I'm going to throw up. Everything is working against me in my head right now and I'm just going to explode if I don't get it out somehow. My mom's in the ER and they haven't sent me her CAT scan updates and I don't think

leosun

leosun

 

New Semester

I am officially all moved back. Libra and I have talked around some of his mental health issues, but not to the level I want. I understand he's not ready yet. But I'm not letting that get to me right now. Moving was so good and refreshing. I rearranged my room and didn't bring any unnecessary clutter and I'm feeling so ready to start this last semester and move forward with my education and life. I am starting to get stressed about my own time management (already), because working 2 jobs, t

leosun

leosun

 

Moving moving moving

Moving and packing is taking up all of my time and energy right now- and it is great. I'm so glad to have something to focus on in this confusing weird time instead of being anxious. There's so many factors working against me right now but all I can think is how excited I am to be back in my apartment with my friends and getting back to a routine that I enjoy. I've been being brutally honest with myself about things I need to throw away/replace and it feels so good to get rid of the giant c

leosun

leosun

 

End of a Chapter

This may be a bit early to be posting about, but oh well. There's a good chance Libra and I are going to break up. For background, we have been together for a year and a half, 2 years in November. He is the first person I told about my story, and it happened a few months before I met him. He's seen me through every stage of this recovery process and was the main (practically only) reason I started going to therapy. I love him more than words, but it just doesn't seem like he feels the same way t

leosun

leosun

 

Change

I’m back. I disappeared for a while when work got to be hectic and my schedule was just insane. This week was incredibly busy. Birthday celebrations, hair appointments, work presentations and sports games with family. I have a wedding later today that marks the end of the busiest week of my summer. But I am so so glad to be done with my internship, and it feels good to know I had a positive end and a good poster.  And with all the crazy days, I haven’t had very much time to be upset or thin

leosun

leosun

 

So far so good.

I've been doing a lot of reading around on here and I really enjoy it. I think it's good for me. It's great to finally have someone else that isn't Libra or my mom comment back about my thoughts- and them actually understand. I went home this last weekend and felt a lot of built up anger towards my mom, and was open with her for the first time about how some of her words have made me feel. I didn't tell her the extent, because I don't want to worry her, but at least she's aware now that I d

leosun

leosun

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