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My musings

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About this blog

thoughts on my journey so far.

Entries in this blog

Was getting better until they took my alter

It has been some time since my last blog entry. My therapist noticed somehow in the last few months, after 18 years of therapy with him, I was somehow getting better. That I had told him more about my grandfather's sexual abuse as a child in the last few months then I had in the entire 18 years he had known me. He took no credit, my psychiatrist took no credit. I think It all boils down to activity in this site. I have opened up for the first time. And though it's just typing, I know there are w

ASnow

ASnow

Nightmare interpretation

So for the last two nights I have been having dreams about my oldest freind from childhood J*.  The first dream I didn't write down specifics but I remember some things and then last night again. IN the first dream She and I were upsate at my gradfathers where it all happened. And in the second dream it started there though it ended where I was at her house. When I was older I dated her brother and we had a dog that  I loved with every part of me. In both dreams J* was sick, not physically, and

ASnow

ASnow

My first Clue

My Hell started when I was 4 when my grandfather had started to sexually abuse me. It went on for years. Infact it went on until he died when I was about 12. I probably spent a year finally feeling free. I always dissociated during the abuse, so what happened I did not remember, but the fear and icky feelings were there and I knew I did not want to be near him, though I knew not why. however about a year after he died I blocked that off too so the entire abuse was lost to my awareness. Infact I

ASnow

ASnow

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