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About this blog

There are times when I feel like the world is crashing down on me. 

I ask myself or whoever is listening, why would this happen to me?

Was I meant to be given this burden because I was meant to suffer?

I have been told that this will only make me stronger.

I have tried to be strong. 

I am so tired.

Yet I know that I cannot give up. 

I have to show people that I can live a happy life.

Inside it feels like I am being torn apart.

Torn apart to shreds..

Sometimes, I hear myself say that maybe I deserve this..

All this pain is showing me how to be a good person and to love those who love me.

All my life no one ever understood me. 

They always tried to fix me. 

Like I was some broken object that needed some glue.

I hated myself for tearing my family apart. 

I blamed myself for the longest time. 

He is the one who is sick and to blame. 

He took my innocence and childhood.

I will not let him take my future.

I have met someone who I know in my soul that he is my light. 

To find someone who can help you move past your darkness is someone to keep in your life.

I have found my light. 

Entries in this blog

heartofamethyst

Missing my light.

My light or as I like to call him. My William. He is someone who I never thought that I would find. Its hard for me because everyone is trying to keep us apart. How do I deal with that when I can feel it in my soul that he is right for me. They will never understand that when I find someone who can relate to my fears that that is something very special to me. I just wish that they would let me be happy and be with the one who makes me feel whole again. 

heartofamethyst

Lost in my mind

There are times when I catch myself staring outside and looking at nothing. All that I am thinking about is how jumbled my mind is. For all these years I have been lost. I can't explain why I am the way I am. When my screams in my sleep wake up my family how do I tell them? I play it off that it was just a nightmare. It never is. Someone close to, during an argument, told me that I need to stop being the victim after all these years. As if I have some on and off switch. I wish that I knew how to stop this tail spin. If I knew how to help myself then I would do it. I want to live a normal life. Maybe I am simply cursed to live this way. 

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