My light or as I like to call him. My William. He is someone who I never thought that I would find. Its hard for me because everyone is trying to keep us apart. How do I deal with that when I can feel it in my soul that he is right for me. They will never understand that when I find someone who can relate to my fears that that is something very special to me. I just wish that they would let me be happy and be with the one who makes me feel whole again.
About this blog
There are times when I feel like the world is crashing down on me.
I ask myself or whoever is listening, why would this happen to me?
Was I meant to be given this burden because I was meant to suffer?
I have been told that this will only make me stronger.
I have tried to be strong.
I am so tired.
Yet I know that I cannot give up.
I have to show people that I can live a happy life.
Inside it feels like I am being torn apart.
Torn apart to shreds..
Sometimes, I hear myself say that maybe I deserve this..
All this pain is showing me how to be a good person and to love those who love me.
All my life no one ever understood me.
They always tried to fix me.
Like I was some broken object that needed some glue.
I hated myself for tearing my family apart.
I blamed myself for the longest time.
He is the one who is sick and to blame.
He took my innocence and childhood.
I will not let him take my future.
I have met someone who I know in my soul that he is my light.
To find someone who can help you move past your darkness is someone to keep in your life.
I have found my light.
Entries in this blog
There are times when I catch myself staring outside and looking at nothing. All that I am thinking about is how jumbled my mind is. For all these years I have been lost. I can't explain why I am the way I am. When my screams in my sleep wake up my family how do I tell them? I play it off that it was just a nightmare. It never is. Someone close to, during an argument, told me that I need to stop being the victim after all these years. As if I have some on and off switch. I wish that I knew how to stop this tail spin. If I knew how to help myself then I would do it. I want to live a normal life. Maybe I am simply cursed to live this way.