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A space for me to write my story 

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My story -TW

When I was 19 I joined my family on their summer holiday. I was a student and skint and couldn’t afford to go away with friends. Neither could my friend Kayleigh; so she came on holiday with us.

kayleigh liked to party - me not so much but it was Kayleigh’s holiday too so one night, towards the end of our holiday, we went along to the neighbouring town to go out dancing.

We had a lovely Chinese meal, polished off a bottle of wine and then went for a drink. The pubs stared closing so we got directions and a taxi to the club. It was upstairs via a lift. It was quiet when we got there but got busy quickly. Kayleigh spoke the local language and soon these two guys were buying us drinks. Tall and Lanky spoke English and Kayleigh and him were enjoying excercising their linguistic abilities. His friend Short and Stocky didn’t speak English  and I didn’t speak the local language so we danced and muddled through with gestures. They bought us drinks all night and after a short time they suggested we go to another club better than this one... I was wary, but drunk and quickly talked into it by Kayleigh. 

We then got in their car?!?! to drive there. We arrived, it had heavy big curtains and was really busy. I danced with Short and Stocky a bit more but was starting to feel very drunk. Drunker than I’d ever been. My peripheral vision had disapeared... it was looking through a tunnel and my legs were like jelly. The bar man handed me water, Short and Stocky took it but the bar man gave me another one. 

We left, I thought we were going home. We went to the beach. Kayleigh disappeared with Tall and Lanky. It was just me and Sort and Stalky. He walked, I stumbled along through the sun beds for a bit and sat down on a pair; either side of the umbrella. 

I don’t remember exactly what happened next but he was on my sunbed. Then he was on top of me. Then he was inside me. 

I shouted for Kayleigh, I cried, I tried to push him off. It was as though I weren’t there... he said nothing. His eyes glazed over.. Some kids further along the beach mimicked my shouts back at me. I gave up. I stopped fighting, I stopped crying. I just lay there and let him. 

When end he was done, he moved back to the other sunbed, reclining on his back. I tried to run away. I tripped and fell face first into the sand. It was so cold - I remember feeling incredibly shocked by that. It sort of jolted me to my senses. I had no idea where we were, no money - although in retrospect I’m not sure where it had all gone. I had no viable choices. 

Kayleigh arrived back with Tall and Lanky, laughing and joking. I got in the car with them. 

We didn’t go home, again we stopped at another beach... quieter and closer to where we were staying. I recognised it. I could have run away, but I couldn’t really walk unaided, I could have tried though. Instead I got on a sunbed and let him do what he wanted... I told myself I wanted it too, he wasn’t making these choices for me, it wasn't rape because I’d decided not to run, not to fight and to let him. I was wrong. He raped me again; this time he really went for it... the bruises lasted for weeks. 

Eventually Kayleigh and Tall and Lanky returned. They drove us to our apartment. Kayleigh’s normally terrible sense of direction had disapeared. 

I got out of the car and Kayleigh followed. 

Back in our room she said “I heard you shouting” and asked if I’d had a good night. I said yes and got into bed, one though dominated my mind.

They knew where we were staying - I was terrified. 

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