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About this blog

Random ramblings of a fellow chocolate lover, need I say more?

Entries in this blog

 

The tassel is worth the hassle!

Hello friends. I know that I have been somewhat absent for a little while.  My prescence here has declined greatly over the last couple of weeks and for a little while, I was only really responding to PMs and giving posts a quick-read, just to try and keep up.  I sincerely hope that while I've been scarce, that everyone's doing as well as they can be doing.  While I've been thinking of my friends here while keeping busy offline, the reason for my decreased activity is indeed a good one.  

Capulet

Capulet

 

Even God can't cry forever.

The sun is shining today! It has rained almost every day last week.  And when it rains, I'm tired, I'm moody and I'm just plain overall annoyed.  All I want to do is sleep.  Driving in the rain puts me at risk of entering autopilot mode - the wipers squeaking across the window...repeatedly...is what does it.  I'm unsure if this happens because it's a trigger or if it can be filed into the 'happens to everyone' pile.  Either way, I'm not sure what Mother Nature's problem is but she's cried b

Capulet

Capulet

 

Stiff neck, be gone!

Hello, all!   In the interests of keeping up with this blog, I'm back for the second time this week.  I guess we have my overly chatty brain to thank for the increased nocturnal blog activity but if no one's complaining, I'm not, either.  On the sleep front, things have improved, although I might have just jinxed myself by speaking of my weekend success - it wasn't even Melatonin that caused me to crash the last couple nights - it was pure exhaustion!  But I've gone to bed around 2am the la

Capulet

Capulet

 

Boo-yah!

As promised, your morning update following last night's novella. I'm smiling.  The scale is still alive, so if inanimate objects could smile, then the scale would also be smiling. Not only did I lose the pound I gained last week, I lost another on top of that!  I am now only a half pound away from my 25 pound goal!  Of course, I'm wanting to continue but 25 seemed like a nice number to set as a starting goal.  Almost there!!! I'm also pretty happy because not only did I have

Capulet

Capulet

 

Really???? Now this, too?

I’m sitting here, amazed.  Just amazed.  Or completely flabbergasted.  Or a mix of both.  That expression, ‘one step forward, two steps backwards’ makes SO much sense today.  And there’s absolutely no particular reason for it.  It’s not something someone said, it’s not because of something I read.  It just hit me and brought with it the elusive sense of clarity that had been hiding for a long time. You see, I thought I knew everything about myself.  With the exception of the fuzzy, not-y

Capulet

Capulet

 

Short and sweet...

Friends, I promised an update on my PT appointment sometime last weekend - and surely, you've noticed that I've said nothing. Simply because there's really nothing to report other than my orthopedic doctor is an incompetent idiot. Regardless of the fact that his office made the appointment for me to have my first PT appointment, the order was never sent downstairs to the 'gym.'  And so, last Friday, I showed up in my workout clothes, completed the registration, sign-in, co-pay, et

Capulet

Capulet

 

The transition begins...363 days to go!

Greetings, everyone!! Hoping you're all having a good weekend - we had a 'backwards' couple days.  To explain, we had our taco dinner on May 4th ('May the fourth be with you') and on Cinco De Mayo today, (May 5th) I am invoking the force (fourth) and we're having chicken for dinner.  If no one cares, I guess I won't either.  I'll just note both 'May days' have been duly observed, one way or another.   Additionally, the state of Pennsylvania is drenched - it's done NOTHING but RAIN most of t

Capulet

Capulet

 

Smaller victory in a larger battle...

I surprised myself last night. J and I had a much-needed date night.  We were at dinner and we were conversing about some OT hours she wanted to pick up.  I casually mentioned that Oompa was fully expecting ME to pay her a visit this month, as she was here last month.  She had casually mentioned, "oh, and the 10th is a good day for me!"  The 10th is THIS weekend.   No, thank you.  I'm still somewhat infuriated with my mother for the bullshit she pulled in regards to my niece and nephew

Capulet

Capulet

 

Goodbye, 2018!

Have I REALLY been gone since December 4th?   Yes, friends - this is VERY much unlike me.  Those of you who know me - know that when my mind is cluttered and my brain is busy - I write.  It's how I make sense of things.  To say that my mind has been clear lately would be a lie - there's SO much clutter up there - it's starting to look like Grandma's attic! (Although MY grandmother, may she rest in peace, did not have an attic - she had a basement that scared the shit out of me for most of m

Capulet

Capulet

 

There's been a casualty - my mother's sanity.

Hello from me in isolation - how's everyone doing?  It's the first time I'm blogging whilst in quarantine - you'd think I have all the time in the world, but even I'm having trouble getting used to a routine that I have no choice but to conform to for the time being. We are amid some very hard times, friends.  Very uncertain and very unsettling times.  I've taken several steps back from Facebook and only check my feed once or twice a day - all of the COVID-19 jokes are starting to become an

Capulet

Capulet

 

Installment One: The Formative Years

Also posted in Share Your Story: Installment One: The Formative Years I was born on a snowy winter morning in 1978.  Originally, I wasn’t planning to reveal my age – but felt there was some importance in divulging the time frame.  I DO believe that there is FAR more awareness now than there was back then.  Maybe, just maybe things would have turned out differently.  Maybe it would have set off an entirely different chain of events. Maybe I wouldn’t be writing this, now. As life is full

Capulet

Capulet

 

What happens when you play with rocks?

This will be brief, because this is being typed while I can still move.  Tomorrow, I may be in traction.  Or just very, very sore.  Possibly too sore to go and retrieve the free taco that Taco Bell is offering, while supplies last.  So, if you've got a Taco Bell near you, today, June 13th, is free taco day!  Personally, I like the ones with the Nacho Cheese Dorito shell... I, however, may be in too much pain to get myself to the car. I will start you all off with some good news.  

Capulet

Capulet

 

I thought I was past this!

*** possible trigger warning for medical procedure details, etc.  I've kept it as mild as I could but you just never know. *** Hello friends! Apologies for not getting this blog out sooner.   It's been a busy few days and I've not had the quiet time that my writing usually requires. This is the follow-up to the 'Have you seen my big-girl panties?' blog entry; with a bit of added information that I don't believe I've shared yet.   Firstly, the mammogram results showed some cal

Capulet

Capulet

 

"Initiate shut-down sequence immediately!"

Well, would ya look at that...TWO blog entries in two weeks - a good start to my promise to do some more writing/mental uploading! This entry can mostly be attributed to Oompa's prompt and not-a-moment-too-soon departure on Thursday morning - she and my stepfather were here for two nights.  My father (to many: 'Lord Capulet') and his wife were ALSO in town, and since Monday, I've spend every day with one or both of my parents and their spouses - 'the steps.'  Yesterday afternoon was the fir

Capulet

Capulet

 

Back from my bl-iatus!

Wow. I know I haven't been here in a while.   I wish I could say that my OCD over posting my three installments in order, without a random blog in between that would 'interrupt the flow' was my sole reason for this blog-hiatus (or a 'bl-iatus') but I'd be lying through my fingers. I just haven't been feeling it.  This summer has been a rough one - and I've only shared with a select few, the details that have kept me somewhat absent from my blog.  While I've remained a constant presence here

Capulet

Capulet

 

Layers of the Lotus

Have you ever walked into a class or a training or instructional setting to find that you already knew the material? This week's group meeting was exactly this for me.  I arrived a few minutes early so that I could use the bathroom and just sit and relax for a few minutes prior to the meeting.  Once I sat down and saw in front of me the art materials, I sort of knew right away what we'd be working on.  There were watercolors, crayons, markers, cups of water, paint brushes, glue, and two set

Capulet

Capulet

 

Like a fish out of water...

Hi friends!! I know it's been a while....I sincerely apologize for not taking the time (and there's been plenty of it) to fill everyone in on the happenings of my life.   It seems that any accompanying promise to try to be better at updating my blog is one that's become harder to keep, so I'll simply not promise - I will, however, try to re-embrace writing as a means of release.  Those of you who have gotten to know me over some time also know that writing is my biggest means of processing

Capulet

Capulet

 

Flood warning now in effect!

The mind is a VERY, VERY tricky thing. This will be a short-ish entry as I'd like to share something that happened last night.    (Or it might be a medium-length entry, as you know I'm VERY susceptible to rambling!  We'll just have to see how it all flows!)  This should NOT trigger - it's not that kind of 'happened.'  But JUST in case - I will issue a SMALL trigger warning for a recovered memory, sorta - the memory itself isn't triggering, but you know - I'm thinking this has happened to so

Capulet

Capulet

 

The results are in...

Okay - so, Saturday was a LONG, exhausting day.   To backtrack - I met Oompa at the Subaru dealership as promised, to meet with the salesman she's been praising for the last week.  He knew I was coming and had wasted no time - he had a new Forester brought out for me to test drive within five minutes of my arrival.   I got in, adjusted all the mirrors and seats and took off.  Drove a couple miles down the street, turned around, and drove back.  I didn't like the overall 'feel' of the F

Capulet

Capulet

 

Better late than never!

Hi, everyone!! Hoping you're all doing well.  I know my updates are getting more rare, and for that, I do apologize.   I'm really trying to get back into my writing habits, but it seems I've been experiencing some cloudiness.  More on that as we continue. I'm hanging in there, though, as best as I can.   School is in full swing, now.  We're now in our third week.  I've just received this morning the date of my first midterm...yep, you read correctly - we're ALREADY getting ready f

Capulet

Capulet

 

Putting together the pieces of me...again.

* This is also posted in Share Your Story.   My story first appeared within the forums back in 2007.  I’d just joined After Silence, and my trauma had occurred eleven years prior to that.  Now, coming up on 23 years since I was raped, it has occurred to me that while my story remains the same, my perspective on it has greatly evolved.  Much can be said for the passage of time – to include the coming to light of details that perhaps were overlooked or otherwise censored the first time I’d ch

Capulet

Capulet

 

The ABCs of Me

Well, it seems I've started a new trend of updating 2x a month rather than weekly, but my promise to you all is that I'll TRY to blog more frequently. I have truly missed my for-the-hell-of-it writing and do resolve to get back into the routine of doing so regularly.  It's important to me to keep the mental wheels turning, even if they tend to slow down from time to time.   I've just not had much to update you all on - other than I've had a one-week reprieve from the wintery joy that is hom

Capulet

Capulet

 

2020 Vision...

Whether we're talking about hindsight or vision, it seemed right to title this blog with something that's coming for us all.  I'm SO ready for 2019 to be over.  How 'bout you? While there have been some redeeming moments that it'd be unfair to acknowledge, this year has been overall shitty.  There has been more sadness than happiness, more frustration than there have been genuine smiles, and more tears than....well, you get the picture.  I've gained weight, I'm experiencing pain and di

Capulet

Capulet

 

Out of milk, bread and flexibility.

Hi, all! I REALLY should be studying for final exams right now.  I do have three this week that I'm NOT toooooo worried about, content-wise.  I know the material, I'm confident I'll be fine with these three.  There will be two next week that this coming weekend will be devoted to studying for.  Although I'm likely fine, the over-achieving side of me is thinking, 'I am NOT finished until I turn in my last final exam...' I came home from school today (we had a snow day yesterday) with in

Capulet

Capulet

 

Mel & Quill vs. Nerves - who shall prevail?

So, let's assume that Ny-Quil and Melatonin have teamed up with one very important mission in mind - 'twas the night before Spring semester started, and someone (let's call her, 'Cap') needed to undo six weeks' worth of habitual going-to-bed-at-3am-every-night damage.  And let's also assume that EVEN this late at night, it takes Cap roughly an hour to FALL asleep and then STAY asleep for more than three or four hours at a time.  It has also been pre-determined that neither member of Team Sleep A

Capulet

Capulet

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