Have I REALLY been gone since December 4th?
Yes, friends - this is VERY much unlike me. Those of you who know me - know that when my mind is cluttered and my brain is busy - I write. It's how I make sense of things. To say that my mind has been clear lately would be a lie - there's SO much clutter up there - it's starting to look like Grandma's attic! (Although MY grandmother, may she rest in peace, did not have an attic - she had a basement that scared the shit out of me for most of m
Have you ever walked into a class or a training or instructional setting to find that you already knew the material?
This week's group meeting was exactly this for me. I arrived a few minutes early so that I could use the bathroom and just sit and relax for a few minutes prior to the meeting. Once I sat down and saw in front of me the art materials, I sort of knew right away what we'd be working on. There were watercolors, crayons, markers, cups of water, paint brushes, glue, and two set
I had a dream last night.
Wasn't too bad a dream. Unless you consider a glimpse at the pathetic being that I called Uncle for 40 years. It was also a short dream.
It took place at a holiday gathering. I want to say it was Christmas - only because that's the first thing that comes to mind. My mother (Oompa) was there. My Dad, my step-parentals. My kids. The wasband's crew was not there, though. My sisters and their spouses (yes, even the one who might not be her spouse much longe
This is also posted in Share Your Story. The three installments are now posted in order there, and the board is now open to responses, but you may respond either here, or there, if you wish! As always, please heed the trigger warnings above - and thank you in advance for reading! Normal blogs will resume very soon, as my OCD self wanted these installments to be in order, without 'interruptions.' And so, without further ado:
Installment Three: After
It might make the most sens
In the interests of keeping up with this blog, I'm back for the second time this week. I guess we have my overly chatty brain to thank for the increased nocturnal blog activity but if no one's complaining, I'm not, either. On the sleep front, things have improved, although I might have just jinxed myself by speaking of my weekend success - it wasn't even Melatonin that caused me to crash the last couple nights - it was pure exhaustion! But I've gone to bed around 2am the la
As promised, the update on yesterday's family gathering - dual birthday party for my nephew (5) and my niece (1). I meant to update earlier but a status update seemed more appropriate - admittedly, I was a ball of nerves, and my mother wasn't helping matters any. There was much to say, much swirling around in my already-busy brain, but I figured, lemme get through the day, first - let me recuperate (with or without Lucy's 5-cent therapy) and THEN I'd write on this.
To backtrack, my sister
Well, would ya look at that...TWO blog entries in two weeks - a good start to my promise to do some more writing/mental uploading!
This entry can mostly be attributed to Oompa's prompt and not-a-moment-too-soon departure on Thursday morning - she and my stepfather were here for two nights. My father (to many: 'Lord Capulet') and his wife were ALSO in town, and since Monday, I've spend every day with one or both of my parents and their spouses - 'the steps.' Yesterday afternoon was the fir
For the last few weeks, we have had a broken front door lock; and my son's key was refusing to come out of the door. Home Depot wanted $130 for a new lock/set that looked the most like the one we have now.
$130 that we just didn't want to have to spend right now. I now have past-due vet bills, a car payment, increased insurance payments, this just wasn't on my to-do list.
So, we left the son's key in the door (it was LITERALLY stuck and wasn't even turning, so it was impossible for a
I surprised myself last night.
J and I had a much-needed date night. We were at dinner and we were conversing about some OT hours she wanted to pick up. I casually mentioned that Oompa was fully expecting ME to pay her a visit this month, as she was here last month. She had casually mentioned, "oh, and the 10th is a good day for me!" The 10th is THIS weekend.
No, thank you. I'm still somewhat infuriated with my mother for the bullshit she pulled in regards to my niece and nephew
The mind is a VERY, VERY tricky thing.
This will be a short-ish entry as I'd like to share something that happened last night. (Or it might be a medium-length entry, as you know I'm VERY susceptible to rambling! We'll just have to see how it all flows!) This should NOT trigger - it's not that kind of 'happened.' But JUST in case - I will issue a SMALL trigger warning for a recovered memory, sorta - the memory itself isn't triggering, but you know - I'm thinking this has happened to so
Hoping you're all having a good weekend - we had a 'backwards' couple days. To explain, we had our taco dinner on May 4th ('May the fourth be with you') and on Cinco De Mayo today, (May 5th) I am invoking the force (fourth) and we're having chicken for dinner. If no one cares, I guess I won't either. I'll just note both 'May days' have been duly observed, one way or another. Additionally, the state of Pennsylvania is drenched - it's done NOTHING but RAIN most of t
Well, it seems I've started a new trend of updating 2x a month rather than weekly, but my promise to you all is that I'll TRY to blog more frequently. I have truly missed my for-the-hell-of-it writing and do resolve to get back into the routine of doing so regularly. It's important to me to keep the mental wheels turning, even if they tend to slow down from time to time.
I've just not had much to update you all on - other than I've had a one-week reprieve from the wintery joy that is hom
Okay - so, Saturday was a LONG, exhausting day.
To backtrack - I met Oompa at the Subaru dealership as promised, to meet with the salesman she's been praising for the last week. He knew I was coming and had wasted no time - he had a new Forester brought out for me to test drive within five minutes of my arrival.
I got in, adjusted all the mirrors and seats and took off. Drove a couple miles down the street, turned around, and drove back. I didn't like the overall 'feel' of the F
Also posted in Share Your Story:
Installment One: The Formative Years
I was born on a snowy winter morning in 1978. Originally, I wasn’t planning to reveal my age – but felt there was some importance in divulging the time frame. I DO believe that there is FAR more awareness now than there was back then. Maybe, just maybe things would have turned out differently. Maybe it would have set off an entirely different chain of events. Maybe I wouldn’t be writing this, now. As life is full
* This is also posted in Share Your Story.
My story first appeared within the forums back in 2007. I’d just joined After Silence, and my trauma had occurred eleven years prior to that. Now, coming up on 23 years since I was raped, it has occurred to me that while my story remains the same, my perspective on it has greatly evolved. Much can be said for the passage of time – to include the coming to light of details that perhaps were overlooked or otherwise censored the first time I’d ch
Hoping you're all doing well. I know my updates are getting more rare, and for that, I do apologize. I'm really trying to get back into my writing habits, but it seems I've been experiencing some cloudiness. More on that as we continue.
I'm hanging in there, though, as best as I can.
School is in full swing, now. We're now in our third week. I've just received this morning the date of my first midterm...yep, you read correctly - we're ALREADY getting ready f
Wow. I know I haven't been here in a while. I wish I could say that my OCD over posting my three installments in order, without a random blog in between that would 'interrupt the flow' was my sole reason for this blog-hiatus (or a 'bl-iatus') but I'd be lying through my fingers.
I just haven't been feeling it. This summer has been a rough one - and I've only shared with a select few, the details that have kept me somewhat absent from my blog. While I've remained a constant presence here
Whether we're talking about hindsight or vision, it seemed right to title this blog with something that's coming for us all.
I'm SO ready for 2019 to be over. How 'bout you?
While there have been some redeeming moments that it'd be unfair to acknowledge, this year has been overall shitty. There has been more sadness than happiness, more frustration than there have been genuine smiles, and more tears than....well, you get the picture. I've gained weight, I'm experiencing pain and di
I REALLY should be studying for final exams right now. I do have three this week that I'm NOT toooooo worried about, content-wise. I know the material, I'm confident I'll be fine with these three. There will be two next week that this coming weekend will be devoted to studying for. Although I'm likely fine, the over-achieving side of me is thinking, 'I am NOT finished until I turn in my last final exam...'
I came home from school today (we had a snow day yesterday) with in
Did you all enjoy NOT hearing about my schoolwork? I hope so, because I HAVE enjoyed not bitching about certain classes and papers that I really didn't want to write. Of course, these were for the 'required' classes not pertaining to my social work major and it would only be natural for me to complain about those. I will say though, that when I return to campus in a couple weeks, I'll be TRYING to refrain from giving my (former) Government professor a glare for giving me the
So, let's assume that Ny-Quil and Melatonin have teamed up with one very important mission in mind - 'twas the night before Spring semester started, and someone (let's call her, 'Cap') needed to undo six weeks' worth of habitual going-to-bed-at-3am-every-night damage. And let's also assume that EVEN this late at night, it takes Cap roughly an hour to FALL asleep and then STAY asleep for more than three or four hours at a time. It has also been pre-determined that neither member of Team Sleep A
The motivation for this entry has come from several different directions. There is much I've seen, heard, and felt in the past week. I debated whether this should be a motivational post or a blog entry, but it's possible it'll be both. I'm undecided for the moment, so figured I'd at least write it out, first.
Most of us envision healing as a non-linear path we take on foot; a muddied, beaten, track that is not without obstacles and hinderances along the way. 'One foot in f