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First Blog

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About this blog

So I wrote this to create a personal blog for myself to make 2016 a year of getting better and stronger but my mom didn't think it was a good idea... she saw it for a cry out for help. So I am going to post it here because its not a cry out for help, its me wanting to not live my life feeling like I have to hide and be ashamed. I lost all of my friends that way and now I feel more alone then ever. Attached is a photo of a sculpture I made the year it happened. I created it and decided to destroy it so I could forget what happened but you never forget now do you...So here it is: 

 

 

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Entries in this blog

 

Will normal ever be possible?

I thought once my mom went to therapy with me everything would get easier. She would be able to understand where I am coming from and how I feel. But honestly since she came in it has only gotten harder on me and not because of her. Now instead of constantly having anxiety and panic attacks due to my parents or drama going around in my family. Now I deal with having to face what happened to me and on top of that a whole other bunch of legal matters from a separate issue that made me worse. I fee

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JBC13

 

I'm Tired of Pleasing EVERYBODY!

Some things that make me anxious: social settings, clubs/bars/parties, people being mad at me or a change in their mood (I automatically assume they are mad at me), A change in my "Routine"/schedule, sleeping other places that is not my bed, Other people or animals (Anything that breathes) sleeping in my room. (I don't like hearing other people breathing when I am trying to sleep, I end up tossing and turning and not sleeping at all. Being anywhere alone (other then my room). I even get anxious

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JBC13

 

More Bad days than good lately

I haven't wrote in a while and since I stopped writing my feelings I have been going down hill a bit. I have every reason to be happy in my life but to wake up and feel sad everyday and you don't know why is hard. A few weeks ago I made a huge step and I went out at night to a local bar/restaurant for drinks with a bunch of people from my gym and my boyfriends sister. This is a big step for me because I don't go out at all to bars or really any where social at night. And I especially never go an

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Writing down my thoughts

I am going to write my own story. I am no longer going to let someone else or something define me. I will no longer let my past define me. I am writing my present and I am working towards a positive future. 2016 is going to be a year of honesty, honesty to myself, my friends and my family because pretending to be happy puts a strain on your relationship with your friends, family, and most importantly yourself. Its so easy for everyone to put on their best face and act like their life is p

JBC13

JBC13

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