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About this blog

A graphic history of my story TRIGGER

Entries in this blog

I Didn't Know Hopelessness Until That Moment

Some days you had to endure. Some days you had to take the pain. There was no where to go. Nothing you could do... ...early on, within the first six months of all this madness, he had become more vicious. One night, in particular, for some reason I angered him enough that I was a lot closer to the ceiling than any other day. Too shocked, too scared to cry or react I could only stare at him at eye level while he held tight to my throat. Long enough that I couldn't breath, I think he even knew bec

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I've Been Reading

Start by saying I don't have a life. For that, I read and read a lot. Forums, wiki when the mood strikes but mainly old school books. I don't like the idea of reading from a screen like kindle or nook. Call me old fashioned, who cares. Anyway. I read a sentence in a book called "World War Z," and it was the last sentence of an interview with a well-known director (Roy Elliot). The sentence ended with him stating, "...there's a word for that kind of lie. Hope." I am learned fellow. Not very well

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Narcissism Is Not About Me. It's Really Not.

Without getting into too much detail, I confronted my past and talked with the abuser about two years ago. Breakthrough. But two years later, a few things emerged I thought was behind me and it all has to do with my mother. In fact, even after NOT talking to her, months later still seething...how to begin...this is as far as i can go. I'll come back. You have to understand, my mother and I went through complete hell the moment my father was pronounced dead after he was mortally stabbed in the ba

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"fortress Of Solitude"

Where I grew up, how I lived and what happened when on the run is important. Born in Juneau, but didn't really reside there until I was five. From 5 to 15 I lived in my hometown; yet when I was born and the moment I reached mid-twenties, I had moved every four years of my life; either within the city, outside the town or another state - even outside the country - I had unhappily moved all my life during the formative years. But while growing up in the state's capital, I had developed a love, a f

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Name Changes

Because I'm starting again, and although I have the permission of both my mother and the abuser himself, in blogging my story and decided a name change was necessary for my benefit. To make it clear - don't respect them. Don't care. But would like to avoid any legal hassles should one occur. The abuser - "Toby" Ma' - "Lea" Sister - "Madchen" Others will change as I progress the blogging. Really think it all sucks, but whatever. Those are the three central to the story I write

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Freedom Under The Stars

I can't say we lived a Rockefeller lifestyle or that we lived as happily as the Brady family. My life was chaos and temporary because we lived on the road for a few years. We lived this nomadic life where my mom was a bit of a gypsy;somehow, someway we managed to etch out a life in - of all places - Albuquerque, NM for over a year. Not really knowing until years later, my mother was a hippy and had a knack for meeting some really cool people along the way. I have a few fond memories of that tim

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The Beginning

Yeah. When sequestered to a silent room and the company of a wall clock is the only companion, my mind rolls back the clock to a different time. Might even say an era. For every beginning, there is an end and for my life, the end of an era began with my grandparents. This story I unfold is as much as mine as it is theirs. I would not have been here if not for them They might have had their faults, too, but as with all people we have to dig deeper and see what good is in them. I loved them both,

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The Beginning

For those that know my style and my previous posts, I am survivor that holds nothing back. Writing my life like the way it occurred is the only way I know how to unfold this story. To write again about the events that lead me to a life of solitude, sequestering myself from the masses...it's not easy. But I will strive to unveil my life - again - through a series of blogs. For that, I am grateful - AS - but having to write it again will not be easy. I went through some hard emotions the first tim

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