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About this blog

My life went up in flames, but I am trying to rise from the ashes.

Entries in this blog

Shattered Hope

The most painful thing resulting from the sexual abuse was the fact that a doctor told me I probably would never be able to have children, and if I did ever get pregnant, I probably would not be able to carry the child to term. She gave me a reason why, but I cannot remember. I was so destroyed emotionally at the time that I blacked it out. My main abuser also gave me precancerous cells, but thanks to Gardasil, they are all gone now. Before the doctor even knew about the abuse, she shov
rainwoman21

rainwoman21

2

Seven

Revenge: something that I love. I wish I didn't have such a vengeful nature, I really do. It's something that I struggle with; something I've always struggled with. When someone hurts me, I have such an overpowering desire to hurt them seven times greater than they hurt me. Just like in the Bible: Avenged Sevenfold. It's ironic that seven is my unlucky number. Everyone tells me, no, Seven is the number of God! Seven is supposed to be lucky! I respond back, "Often the worst things com
rainwoman21

rainwoman21

0

My Boyfriend Is My Hero

The one bright spot in my life is my boyfriend, "Michael." I am very, very blessed to have him. He knows about the abuse-has known since my first date with him, and accepts me for it. We met on an online dating site. Both of us had been so badly burned in past relationships that we had only signed up for online dating as a shot in the dark. Both of us had dreamed all our lives of having a family and having children, but it seemed like we were the only ones living without either. I will be
rainwoman21

rainwoman21

0

Consuming Rage

Those who have never been through sexual abuse cannot comprehend how incredibly agonizing it is. I am often jealous of them...so blissfully unaware of the soul crushing pain that consumes survivors. Lately I have been consumed with not only pain, but rage as well. Pure, unadulterated rage. It frightens me. At my job, they placed me over in the Babies section of the store (I work overnight at a retail chain stocking product until I can find a job within my field. I graduated college in D
rainwoman21

rainwoman21

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