I've never been good enough for my mother. Ever. First, I was fat. Always, save the eating disorder I developed in middle/high school, when I starved myself down to a "normal" weight range. She bullied me about my weight for as long as I can remember. She put me in dance with first my sister Ashley, who is 5 years younger, then my sister Sommer, who is 14 years younger than I am, joined as well when she was old enough. I hated it. I was no good at it. They laughed at the tape of my first recital
I haven't been here in awhile. I've been feeling so lost, though, that I felt I needed to come, even if just to read, to remind myself that I am not alone. I sure do feel alone, almost all the time now. The funny thing about that is, though, that I dread going out. Anywhere. I am ashamed of my body, I feel like people are staring. So, I stay inside. I live alone, so it's easy to isolate. I order what I need online, even though it is a bit more expensive than going to a regular store.
I wonder w
I'm a complete hermit. I am almost afraid to leave my apartment. I dread it. I work from home, so I don't have to go anywhere if I don't want, except to the grocery store and to pay my rent. I hate it. I want to have friends, see other people. But I am so afraid they see right through me. I hate being me so much. I am in such a dark place right now, and I don't know how to get out. I cannot afford a therapist, so I signed up here. There are so many things I am struggling with, I don't even know