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About this blog

Ponderings of a frazzled firebird

Entries in this blog

Well Played, Teacher.

I'm Skye, we all know I know the rules. Let's get on with the blog. Damn, Teacher. C and I came into the classroom fighting. Tooth, nail, cats, dogs, no punches were being pulled. The issue at hand was pretty clear-cut. C did not want to go to art T and I thought she needed it. Everyone else kind of got out of the way-- me and C fighting is not a pretty sight and it's possible for innocent bystanders to get mauled. I wasn't yielding and neither was she...and she threatened to make the argum
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

0

We Dream

I'm Skye, one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules. On to the blog. From time to time, Copper will reference her Great Vision. While not actively opposing her, I have not exactly been supportive. Many, many moons ago, I had a Dream. It was big and it was powerful and even while I dreamed it, I was afraid to embrace it. I was afraid to take the leap of commitment and say that I, Skye, was gonna go for that Dream. It was too big. I saw a need in the world, and I thought I could fill it...
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

0

Waiting 'till The Wedding Rant (Big T W)

Skye here. One of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and will heed them. *****This post carries a lot of Trigger Warnings, including CSA, and religion. You have been warned***** I just saw a bit on TV about some idiotic little starlet who is publicly announcing her plan to remain a virgin until her wedding night. She flaunted her credentials as a Christian and the values her (too-exposed reality TV show) family. She posted a list of tips on her blog...cute, really. She says to stay out o
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

2

Vision

This is Skye. I know the rules. Enough with the disclaimer already. The art show everybody's so excited about is not just art. It's the kickoff to our day program's 30th anniversary celebration, so it's a pretty big deal. Like, our state's Lieutenant Governor is listed as the Special Guest. Yeah, this is a big deal. But the art part is only one section. Teac... The art T pointed that out on Wednesday. (Like I really needed to be put down any more that day...) I'll admit, I departed in a
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

0

Ugggggggh

It's Skye. I know the rules. Let's get back to the blog. This body feels like shit. Not to put too fine a point on it, but it does. I don't feel any better, either in the driver's seat or out of it. I've had to pull way too much energy through both myself and the body lately. We both feel like shit. C doesn't remember our appointment with Aqua today. Not much of it, anyway. This may be for the best. What happened, you may ask? Well, for a start, C-G pulled the kind of high-handed stunt
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

0

Tired, Tired, Tired

I'm Skye, one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules. Let's get on with things. Uggggggggh. Today was T with Aqua and I'm wiped. C was in hiding-- I woke up in the driver's seat and haven't really been out of it since. That includes this week's session with Aqua. Like I said. Uggggggggh. I'm not fond of T or T's in general. Aqua's okay as the breed goes...but she's still got a hell of a lot of work to do to earn my trust. I'm just so tired. Tired of dealing with T's, tired of hauling th
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

0

This Has Gone Too Far

***This is Skye, one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and intend to do my best to follow them, Having said that, I am NOT a happy camper right now. This post is rant. Deal with it.*** Okay. I can handle the cold just fine. My nature is very much one of Fire; cold does not bother me that much. Copper is a different song. These past weeks (months?) we have been living essentially without a heater, she has plugged along without complaint. A couple times she spoke to one of our Housing
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

0

The Wall

This is Skye. I know the rules. In this post, beware of swears. Now look. It's bad enough feeling the Wall lurking, looming just outside our eyes. But today the damn thing manifested. At the day program, no less! And we are talking a full fucking manifestation. Like, the body crumbled onto the floor mid-sentence and sat there glassy eyed and unresponsive. Our friend Grey tried to talk to us, but for half an eternity we just sat. We couldn't even ask her to get our teddy bear! We sat on
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

4

The Point Is...?

Skye here. I'm one of Copper's Insiders. We all know I know the rules. On to the blog. **This post talks about religion. ** Lent. One of my least-favorite times of year. It's hard to be a Christian in this system. While everybody's personal faith practices more or less work together (Along with me and a few other Christians, we've got at least one who identifies as a Wiccan, two Native American shamans, and a really outspoken atheist/humanist) it's a delicate balance. And this time of year
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

2

The Moat

I'm Skye, one of Copper's Insiders (or alts, if you insist). I know the rules and do my best to adhere to them. Enough disclaimer. Blog time. Damn, this has been a week. Aqua played a card on Tuesday that I was not prepared for. Me being the Queen of Bullshit that I am, I got through the moment...and dumped Copper into the driver's seat as soon as I could manage. I don't think I'm quite ready to handle that one in words yet, but I did draw some. Funny, that. I am in no way a visual artist,
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

0

The Jerks (Big T W)

This is Skye. I know the rules. On to the blog. **** This entry speaks at length on programming and the physical backlash of trying to break it. Read with caution.***** Hoooooooooooly shit. This has been...quite a day. I may write about other parts of it later; for now I'm gonna focus on what happened in my Stress Reduction class. For anyone who doesn't know, Aqua talked us into going to a class about stress and how we cope with it. Today was the second of four classes. Something that happ
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

6

The Burden Of Purpose

I posted in Venting about suicide, how I used to think about it all the time. It was comforting, an escape hatch that only I knew about. None of my former friends knew I spent half my life thinking about pills and knives and other ways out. I also talked about how hard it is for me now because for the first time ever I have people who love me, people who would be shattered if I took my own life. I have attempted, you know. In my teens I OD'd....and panicked a couple hours later and sicked up
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

0

The Artist And The T

Skye here. I know the rules. On to the blog. After a (long, painful) conference among the adults in our System, we have resolved how we're handling the art T. What is this plan, you may ask? Simple. We are going to interact with the Artist and ignore the Therapist. The art T is a stunning artist. She's done portraits of some of the Big Names here in Nash. Her work hangs on Music Row. Yeah, she's that good. Bitter and hurting as I may be, I can't deny that art T is crazy talented. In a
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

5

The Anger Of An Adult Sprout

***Please be aware that this is written from the perspective of an adult Sprout. I am maintaining enough control to be sure the post stays within AS guidelines, but the words belong to her. She has been feeling very unheard lately. In this post she has a voice. (And for what it's worth, "C" is me.)*** I'm shaking. Damn it to hell and back backwards, I'm shaking! This never happens. And all over a stupid psych nurse. C is a niave little idiot sometimes-- she actually believes that people
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

0

Temper Lost... By Copper!?!?!

Skye here. One of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and always work to heed them. Blog time. Beware of swears. Ohhhhhh shit. The world must be about to end. Why? Because Copper just lost her temper. You read that right. Copper the peacemaker, the Healer, lost it. For anyone who has not been following the soap opera over here, Ladybug and Bee were our housemates. It has always been a....tumultuous... situation, but we all made it work. A few weeks ago, Bee relapsed and spent a while
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

2

Tearing Into Teacher

(This is Skye. I know the rules. Enough with the disclaimer already.) Teacher- I am not happy with you right now. I know full well that you made a point to tell Copper to call if she needs you. I also know full well that she won't. Right now I'm seriously thinking about breaking Copper's rule about calling T's in off hours. Were she here to speak out, she'd argue that it's 4:30 on a Friday afternoon and she's fine, don't bother Teacher with her minor stuff. This is not fucking minor. This
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

0

Tabby Chat

My name is Tabby. I am one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules. I agree to adhere to them. As the disclaimer said, my name is Tabby. I guess I'm writing because this is one place I can speak. You see, while I am physically able to talk, I don't. My reasons for that are my own, but the rare times I need to communicate with the Outside world, I do it in writing. It doesn't happen very often. For that matter, I don't really even speak Inside either. I guess I'm just a little bit lonely.
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

3

State Of Volunteering

This is Skye. I know the rules. On to the blog. Things are speeding up. Memories are surfacing, each one more disturbing than the last. And damn it to hell and back backwards, I just went and triggered myself! This is so incredibly frustrating. All I want to do is sit here and write my perspective on Life, the Universe, and Everything...and I go and hit a hot button I didn't know existed. So I backpedal as fast as I can, hoping to avert the FB (or worse, a manifestation of the Screen). A
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

0

So It's Fear.

Skye here. One of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules of AS and do my best to heed them. Blog time. So that's why she's been running like that. Fear. Our Copper is scared out of her wits, and responding the only way she knows how. She runs. There's also a nasty little whisper of Rev lurking in her ears, telling her that if she's not working she doesn't deserve to be. Nice man, that Rev. But mostly, she's afraid. Afraid of the Work we need to do. Afraid she's not strong enough to handle
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

0

Smokin' Chicken

Skye here. I know the rules. Blog time. We all know I love Copper dearly...but that child can't cook. I think she'd find a way to burn boiled water! We've been eating a lot of Low'n'Slow Chicken lately. I can do it well. Elf...damn. Elf makes that stuff taste like gourmet cuisine! Copper burned it. Now granted, the skin was nice and crispy...but the meat was too, and all the liquid was boiled away. It was edible. And we have had worse meals. Burning this stuff once can be fairly called
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

1

Skye...sigh

(Yes, this is Skye talking. Yes I know the rules. Yes, I intend to adhere to them. Enough disclaiming already.) Copper has been poking at me off and on all day, trying to get me to talk. I'm not sure that I want to. I feel like crap. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, I feel like crap. The body is okay...but that's largely due to our Medic insisting we eat on a regular basis. I may have more balls than sense, but not even I go against the Medic. Doing so would not be smart.
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

3

Silent Skye?

Skye here. One of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and all the rest. Blog time. It's been a while since I posted. Sorry 'bout that. Truth be told, I haven't been doing that well. Part is the intensity of work we're doing in T. Not long ago, Aqua inadvertently pushed us too far and unleashed some things better left bound. It was days before Copper was really coherent and a week before I was comfortable talking again. I guess it's been two weeks now and I'm still pretty woozy. At least
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

3

Sad Skye (Tw)

Skye here. I'm one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and will follow them. This post discusses religion. That earns it a TW just on principle. Also, this is an extremely sensitive spot of mine. Please keep that in mind if you choose to comment. I'm sad. Very sad, There are a lot of different faith paths practiced in the Company. We've got pagans, we've got some who are just "spiritual", at least one who identifies as a White Witch, a few atheists. And several of us follow the pat
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

1

Red

This is Skye, one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules. I'll follow 'em as best I can. Enough disclaiming. Let me start by saying that I did not want to go to therapy in the first place. I've been burned that way before; I had no interest in laying bare my guts just to have them ripped out through my nose a few weeks later. I'm still bleeding from the last one I trusted...and the gal who we saw before Aqua was a waste of time. Although it was kind of fun tweaking her tail from time to tim
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

0

Pull It Together, Skye

Skye here, one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and do my best to heed them. Blog time. I guess I had people worried again. Didn't mean to. Thing is, I've put a lot of effort into being nice to Furball, but that cat has triggered me from the start. I love her, don't get me wrong...but... I've been having FBs lately, mostly about Dad hurting animals. And in all of them, he somehow twists the logic around to make it my fault. It's a cliche, but I really am the kind of person that dogs
CopperPhoenix

CopperPhoenix

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