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jham1993

A Happy Anniversary

Two years ago I had a first. The best first anyone could

have. A first that we all deserve to have. The kind of first that is remembered

for a life time. A first that would make the world jealous. A first that brings

the brightest light into your life. The first time the darkness disappears.

I said I love you for the first time to the girl I am going

to spend the rest of my life with.

It has been two years. Anniversary number two. When I met

her I never thought I would be where I am at today, but I am so happy I am

here. Over the past two years we have had our ups and our downs. We have had

our pains and our fights, but we always make up… and there is no feeling like

making up with the one you love. We always make things better and never go to

bed mad at each other. On the flip side we have had our amazing days - Days

where all the pain disappears for a while and we just smile and giggle in each

other’s company. I love every day I get

to spend with her good or bad.

We have made it our goal not to fight this year. We know it isn’t

always easy to not fight, but it doesn’t hurt to certainly try to keep the good

going. We always realize how much we hate fighting and how much it hurts. We

have been good about making up and if we do fight this year I know for sure we

will figure it out like we always do. I love her and she loves me nothing else

really matters. It amazes me how far we

have come and I look forward to seeing how far we will go.

One last thing to say and that is to you baby girl. Here is

to an amazing year. I look forward to all the wonderful changes we are going to

make in our life. I look forward to growing closer to you even though it seems

like we cannot get any closer. I fall more and more in love with you each

passing day. You take me to cloud 9. You always do and will continue to always

take me there. I look forward to taking care of you. Here is to us baby girl! I

am going to spend the next 87 years celebrating our anniversary with you, and I

couldn’t be more excited. We can make it through anything love and I hope you

believe that with all your heart.

Happy anniversary babe... I hope you had a wonderful day.

I love you more than anything

the mostesssssssssssssssssster (;

I have a secret…

I love you nikki <3

jham1993

I Sure Do Love Her Smile

So today I got my cast off finally... Its a reminder that four weeks has passed. I have gone through 4 weeks of healing. We have gone through 4 weeks of healing... wow it is almost 5. It has been a long 4 weeks, but being able to use my hand is a reminder that time helps heal all wounds. It will never make them go away completely, but it truly does help. The past few days have been filled with so many smiles and excitement. Something we both thought was stolen was found. We took it back. I have never felt such intense love for anything before. It is sad what it took to feel it, but at the same time maybe it is the only way to truly know how much you love someone. You have to fight battles. You have to overcome obstacles. You have to be there next to each other on the other side. You have to prove your love. You develop a certain level of trust and love that cannot be obtained any other way. You are taken to a new level of existence.

Sure people might just say we are young kids in love and that we do not know what we are talking about, but people who say that can screw off... I do not care what any other person has to say because how can they know what me and my baby girl are feeling? Guess what? They can't. Sure it is arrogant to say and conceited, but in the last month I have grown wiser and smarter in the area of love and human connection than anyone else I know. If someone wants to tell me I do not know what I am talking about then I feel sorry for them because they have obviously never felt an emotional connection like I do with my sweet girl. If they did then they wouldn't say I am just young and being naive. I am not the best with words, but in this case it doesn't even matter because what I feel is indescribable with words. You can only know what I am talking about if you have felt it too. I can make her smile in the shittiest of days... there is something to be said for that... and being here I think we all understand we do not use that term lightly.

Just because the past few days have been filled with happiness and healing does not mean what happened is gone. It is not lost. It is not forgotten about. We are still able to talk about it. We are still able to break down. We are still able to be sad. Nothing has changed, but we have used the momentum of joy to keep us going. To inspire hope. To give us something to look forward to. To walk a path that has happiness and joy at the end. A path with a baby Tilden someday. A family. The pain is not forgotten... instead it is used to make us in the fighters we love. To become each others rock. To be there forever and ever... and then some (;

Yes 4 weeks have passed by... Her smile was there each day to make it easier... It has been a long and scary 4 weeks... But we are closer than we have ever been... We are fighting this fight. Want to know the really scary part? We are winning... and the feeling is unimaginable... We have all felt it before even if it is ever so slightly... you know how I know? Because you are here reading this right now. I know it is scary, but we are doing it! I love her cute, beautiful, shy, giggly smile... It makes my day each and every time she smiles.

I have a secret...

I love you nikki <3

jham1993

You

Hey! Yeah, you there. Do me a favor real quick and look in the mirror. That person staring back at you is you.

You were the one brave enough to not give up.

You were the one strong enough to keep going.

You were the one to hang on to hope.

You were always there for yourself when it seemed impossible.

And yes it may feel like you have messed up, but you are still here and you are still fighting. If we are going to survive we have to focus on the positive.

This time I will ask nicely, please do me another favor?

Be proud of yourself.

Be proud of how far you have come because you are the only person that could have done it.

Be proud for making it this far and continuing even though you know it wont be easy.

I am proud of my baby girl. We have made it through a lot.. more than I can honestly say I thought possible. Today I am a better man because of the love I share with her. Love that has helped us overcome all of our challenges and continues to help us grow closer each day.

I am proud of us. It is no easy thing to deal with our struggles, but let me tell you it is oh so worth it.

I am proud of me. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I want to cry. I want to punch it. I want to look away. I think this is all because I see someone that is human. Someone that cannot fix everything. Someone that cannot take away the pain, but I remember that I have come this far. I survived yesterday, and I will see tomorrow. I will do whatever it takes. I remember that I have the most precious girl in the world in my life. I remember that we are surviving. We are healing. We are loving each other.

I know we cannot always do what we want, but I do not think that should be our goal in life. I think we should do our best. Simple as that. I promise you I can always accept your best, so I invite you to do the same. Try, sometimes it will feel like you did not do good enough, but if you tried then I assure you I am proud. I assure you your reflection is proud. And I assure you that is something worth being proud about.

Do not discount the small victories in life for that is what gives us the strength to carry on. Each day is a victory, so be proud. If I could be so greedy as to ask for one more favor? Smile. You look so beautiful with a smile :)

I have a secret...

I love you nikki <3

jham1993

Day Number 2

Today was semi busy. I started to get flustered because I needed to finish fixing the wall before my apartment inspections. I punched the wall and broke my hand - which is a story for another day. It was enough of a pain to fix with one hand but it had to be done. I took a paint chip to lowes to get it matched, but it wasn't big enough so I had to go home and cut another piece from the wall - only making the problem worse. My apartment was a wreck in general and my bathroom was covered in a layer of white dust that needed to be cleaned before the inspection. I was told that my building would be inspected either today or early tomorrow, so I was stressing out... Everything else kept running through my head which made each little thing sent my stress levels even higher. I realize these are all silly little problems, but I just wanted to fall to the ground and cry.

*ding ding* my special ringtone I have set for when my girl texts me goes off. A smile took over my face before I even read the text. It was like flipping a switch. All of my cares went away. It truly amazes me what an "I love you!!" can do, I smiled and took a deep breath. I knew that it was going to be all okay and now I had her company. She always makes it better even when she doesn't try. I was able to get the right paint and although the wall looks pretty terrible it will hopefully pass the inspection tomorrow morning. I had one of more productive days, but I think that is because I had to.

I cooked myself some dinner and cleaned the kitchen. I felt like a true professional chef all I was missing my chef's hat. My apartment is cleaner than it has been in the past couple weeks. I think tomorrow will be a laundry day.

We just need to breath. We take each moment as it comes and try to deal with it in the best way we know how. We just need to stop and take a deep breath and let the frustration fall off of us. We are better than it. We can overcome it even if it does require the help of a loved one. We don't need to let the little things make our problems worse.

In the end we are still here and we are still alive. We are worthy of the happiness and love we bring to each other, so let us all try and enjoy it. I challenge you to enjoy it.

I have a secret...

I love you nikki <3

jham1993

I do not know where to start with this, so why not the beginning? I met her in the most random of ways, but she has changed my life forever but more importantly for the better. She has brought out the fullest potential in me. She is truly the most amazing person I have ever met or will ever meet. She has a story that untellable through words alone. I was lucky enough to score at least a chapter with her, and if I play my cards right I will see her through to the conclusion... and into the book that depicts our life after this.

I am young I know, and I am sure people will criticise me but honestly I do not care. There is one thing I care about in this world and her name is Nikki, but I like to call her my baby girl. She will forever and always be my baby girl. There is nobody on this earth that can ever change that. I am going to marry this girl and spend the rest of my life making her happy and feel loved or die trying.

She makes me the happiest person in the world. She was able to show me the light even when it seemed impossible, and it is my job to make sure she doesn't ever lose sight of it. She makes my heart skip a beat every time she giggles. Every "I miss you text" makes me warm inside and brings a smile to my face. Even when I want to cry and be mad at the world she is able to show me that it is much better to be happy and enjoy the love we share. She still does all of this and makes it a priority that I am okay even when she isn't having the best of times. I want her to know that even after everything we have been through and will go through she will still make me feel this way. She will always give me those feelings of happiness and love. Nothing and nobody can take that away from us. She will always be my beautiful baby girl.

This will be the start of my story and I do not know where it will end except that she will be apart of it. I am not sure what the purpose of this blog will be, but thank you to anyone who reads it. I have to start somewhere and in time it may or may not all be written out... It will be an outlet for me and you are more than welcome to stay.

If there is one thing I try to live by in life it is to always leave the people you meet better off even if it is as simple as a smile when you pass by or as big as helping someone keep the will to live. We are here to make each other better off.

I have a secret...

I love you nikki <3

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