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Things change, life changes....I've had so much in the past few months that my head is spinning. I lost some very close friends that I trusted. It threw me for a spin. I don't trust easily and then to have them leave without any notice is very difficult for me.
This is Copper, posting with permission from Skye. I do know the rules, and I intend to honor them. I thought of posting this in all kinds of different places, but ultimately, nowhere seemed to fit. So to the blog I go. Sucky as I am at keeping track of time, I do know that people generally have one birthday per year. Grey's birthday is in the middle of August. Last year I went to her house for the first time to celebrate it. Tomorrow I go again. What a lot has happened in this year. This t
I'm Skye, one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and will abide by them to the best of my ability. I am not in the best mood. And the ocean is a little bit salty and the Sahara is not the most hospitable place to live. The crack Joker made in the DID thread didn't bug me. I have been pretty unpleasant the past day or two. Especially today. 'Cause quite frankly, I want to snap at every person who even looks my way right now. I was already grouchy when Aqua cancelled on us today. But tha
He's here & I'm so happy. I had a breakdown yesterday. I was so scared for him to come. I wanted to send him back home. He traveled here from Europe to see me but I couldn't handle it. He doesn't know how bad I got. I had another friend talk me down but it was really hard for her & me. She said I wasn't allowed to hurt him that way. I am glad she made me see him. He is the best person but he deserves better. I feel so comfortable around him. He makes me feel safe & I need that right
About a month ago I posted all about my day and the thousand lies I tell. No I cannot sit here and tell you I am healed. I *can* however tell you something magical has happened in this past month. Somewhere in the mix after two decades and pain and confusion, I found the courage to make a decision. I want to make clear that this is not a blog post telling you it’s always this easy or that you should prescribe to my methods…just my experience I decided that I have had enough. I awoke one day and
The struggle continues today with phases of hungry t not hungry and very sleepy to not sleepy.... nothing on TV no good music no friends to chat with.. Can things get any worse than they currently are ?? I just need a break from all of this stress a break from depression cause IRS driving me crazy.......... When does it get easier when does the pain stop when do the voices shut up... that's the worse part the voices that tell me I'm no God that I deserve to suffer. I can't make them shut up I j
Last month was tough I felt like I was falling apart every day was something new. Depression really got to me I felt like I was struggling to even get out of the bed most days.. a lot of days I didn't, my life seems to be coming apart and I have no way to stop it. Some times I come on here and even that doesn't help sometimes it makes it worse I feel ignored here and when I don't I feel like I'm playing the victim which I try not to. Some days I just really need someone to talk to and for someo
Sorry to be posting so much after such a long time away....I still need to put that into words. I'm so excited because my best friend arrives on Saturday!!! As a friend used to say....I'm as excited as a puppy!!! I can't wait to see him and the weird thing....I want to give him a hug!! He's been through so much with me & he's still there for me. He supports me no matter what, he gives me strength and helps take the pain away. He's no idea how much he means to me or how much he has helped me
Today I was straightening my hair & I was thinking about some friends that I hadn't heard from in awhile. (My one friend, she hates that I straighten my hair. She always says to keep it natural because it's beautiful.) So today whilst I'm doing my hair, it starts to burn. I burned my hair! I've never done this before....so now my friend is on my mind. I hope and pray that she is doing well & that I hear from her again. I miss her a lot. Have a good night =)
Last night I met up with a friend from work, we went out drinking. I had just gotten there and the bar was spotlighting 2 drinks so you could get samples. I'm sure this guy didn't mean to freak me out but he did. He was an older guy and as I was getting a sample, he came up behind me and started talking to me. I jumped a bit. My ex would come up behind me so now I can't have anyone or anybody behind me. Like I said, I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it but I wasn't aware of anyone behind me so
It was nice knowing you all, couldn't have asked for a better place anywhere. This is goodbye. 'I'm sorry.' Thank you everyone for being there for me. - Braincild.
Hi I'm seekingfaith I'm starting this blog so I can write everyday as a form of coping. I guess I should start with why I'm actually here. I'm a survivor like most people here and I wanted to start sharing more of my story with everyone my day to day life with depression and the struggles.... Right now depression is the worse I think I hate the good days more then the bad. Because the good days I don't understand why I'm so happy. I'm hoping to be able to learn how to cope with writing everyday
So in the search for some guidance on life, one day I stumbled across this cute little book. It's called 10 Simple Things to Remember An Inspiring Guide to Understanding Life. After reading it, I feel like I need to share this one section from the book with all of you. Because there's one thing we all have in common-We are survivors. But I know I am not the only one who doesn't always look at myself as a survivor and has a really hard time just letting go(not that this is something to can ever j
Skye here. I'm one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules of AS and will do my best to follow them. ***This post discusses religion.*** This turned out to be a poetry post. Cross and Flame Refined, defined this girl Bread and Cup Accepted on bent knee at the altar Even this wild girl, this proud girl Knelt She who never bent her head to anyone Bowed Bread and wine Body and blood As she proclaimed the mystery of faith: Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ will come again Litany on her lip
It's been a very long time since I've typed something here - last year I think. But my counselling is coming to an end and that really scares me. I don't feel like I've made any progress or even begun to let my guard down with her. I don't feel like I know her. The time has passed so quickly. We haven't talked about the r*** yet, but I think we're going to the next time I see her. I don't know if I'll be able to. I don't think I could tell a person face to face what happened, I feel like
Skye here. Yes, I am one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and do my best to follow 'em. Blog time. I had to laugh at Copper just now. Not mean-laughing, but chuckling to see how she reacted to something. Long before the post asking for Section Mod applicants went up, she had decided that if someone else approached her to be part of the AS staff, she would say yes. Otherwise, she would keep on being her normal, supportive, snarky self....without the little title under her name. (She
*Shattered* Where to begin? I don't know how or where to begin. I am so tired of having the strength, day in and day out, that it takes to uphold my facade of happiness and peace and well-being. I am so tired of people asking me.... "What's wrong?" I look at the person asking me that, and I pause for a moment..... I look into their eyes for a moment, only a moment, because I don't want them to see the dark horror, sadness, and never-ending pain that has become a permanent struggle for my life. S
My name is Tabby. I am one of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules. I agree to adhere to them. As the disclaimer said, my name is Tabby. I guess I'm writing because this is one place I can speak. You see, while I am physically able to talk, I don't. My reasons for that are my own, but the rare times I need to communicate with the Outside world, I do it in writing. It doesn't happen very often. For that matter, I don't really even speak Inside either. I guess I'm just a little bit lonely.
Skye here. One of Copper's Insiders. I know the rules and do my best to adhere to them. **** This post talks about SI a lot. Proceed with caution **** Seriously, folks, major trigger warning for SI on this post. It's not a topic I tackle often, but readers of this blog know I don't do anything by halves. Please be careful. And beware of swears. Okay, enough with the disclaimers and warnings already. As you may or may not know, we (the body housing Copper and Company) spent the last three
PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE NOT IN A GOOD ENOUGH PLACE TODAY My day she asked? Honesty she requested? Wanted to know about my 24 hours? "Let me tell you about my day" I responded... Wake up...exhausted. Can't breathe or focus but the world has to go on and I have to be a part of it. I sit up in bed, the ache, the physical, real pain of merely sitting up after a measly hour of sleep. I shave, still a fog, still a blur. Brush my teeth and put on clothes. I didn't even check if they were iro
*Julia here, one of Lucy's Insiders* So Lucy has this therapist that she really loves. And whatever, she's nice enough, but I get so pissed. I just don't understand why this therapist is so nice and accepting and BELIEVING of EVERYTHING Lucy says. Not that Lucy is lying, but .....I used to front. For many years. I went through the hospitals and endless doctors, therapists, social workers, nurses, etc. Why didn't anyone believe ME? Why wasn't anyone that kind to ME? Why didn't anyone HELP me? So
Normally this is Skye's place. But today it felt like I needed to post. I am Copper, I know the rules and do my best to heed them. Time to blog. I've been thinking about the blog thing for a while now. We are really fortunate to have not one but two excellent therapists. Even so, there's a limit of how much time any given Insider gets to interact with the Outside world. Skye in particular was hurting, really needing a way for her voice to be heard. So I read the TOS. I read them until my
Skye here. Yes, I'm one of Copper's Insiders. Yes, I know the rules of AS and I do my best to adhere to 'em. Enough disclaimer. On to the blog. TW for heavy swearing. I have had it up to fucking here with social worker types! (See, I did warn y'all about the swears...) Copper managed to pull some weird Zen mindset out of her ass, but I'm still pissed off at every fucking social worker I have spoken to today. Some more than others. We don't have a nickname for our new Housing person, so f
