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So, this is just from a topic I started, but felt I needed to move it here, to my blog. I've decided, I am going to start using this, as I discovered, I like being able to write about things. Well, type. I figure most people won't read this so it feels a little safe but also like I'm able to put my feelings out there, without actually putting them out there and effect people irl. Basically I feel a little anonymous and I don't think I can handle talking about this in real life. However, I'm hopi
I don't think my ex boyfriend is a horrible-demon person, but he has hurt me in the past. He's 4 years older than me and I was 15- nearly 16 when we started dating. It was fine, sure there are things I regret, like drinking and drugs, but overall we treated each other great. As great as that kind of relationship goes. Anyways. A few months into are relationship, I got pregnant, with our now 3 year old, beautiful boy. Just coming to terms with being a pregnant teenager, who never could do anythin
Each day is a fresh start with a chance for a new beginning. I hope everyone on here knows that no matter what they have been through they are still entitled to happiness and they do not need to feel ashamed of themselves for their pasts. I understand the feeling of being frustrated and angry about the situations you may have been in but do not let your past corrupt your future. Remember that you are a survivor and you are strong. Sometimes people will not understand your struggle, your story, o
The Day of Awaking. Blog of Natsumi Katou. Dated 6th day in the 2nd Month in the 15 year of 2000. at 0:40 My Name is Natsumi Mieko Kimi Katou. That name has stuck with me for years. My Real name is Jan. I am from the Philippiens. Immigarant. Not yet a US Citizen. This blog of mine. will walk you through my life. and my experience of whom, and As me. and not as anyone else but me. I was born on April 21st 1983 in Batangas Philipppines. I have been in and out of the United States since 2
I have been amazed by the support I have already received since joining After Silence. It amazes me that all the years I have been a survivor I have never received the amount of support that I received in just my first post alone. My friends and family never supported me like this, like these people that I've never even met do. My friends always got uncomfortable and changed the subject. My family tried but never knew what to say. It's strange to me that people I've never met seem to genuinely c
made it through the night and the sun is shining. i have committed myself to things i dont really want to do but i think they may be good for me in the long run. i have isolated myself so much lately that anxiety overwhelms me everytime i have to go outside so i am making myself help someone else out for the day. my husband doesnt understand but that is ok, he still supports me in what i do. something happened last night that made a lot of struggle seem worth while. i got to be the voice in the
I want to start off by saying my name is Victoria and I am 19 years old. I'm hoping to use this blog not only as a way to share my story but also to hear from other survivors. I want my story to give hope to others. I also want people to feel free to ask me questions about my experience in hopes that I can help them with theirs.
i wonder if other people have to remind themselves to feel emotions and feelings too. I have to tell myself its time to feel love or compassion or understanding. i have to convince myself its time to go to bed or to get to work. i know there is part of me that runs things and part of me that waits to be told what to do and i wonder if everyone goes through the same thing. part of me wants things to just be over and part of me says we cant because we have work to do. part is grown up and protecti
Ok, I'm taking a breath and diving in. Right now im excited, nervous, and scared. Here goes... When I was 10 my world got turned upside down. My older uncle started making me do things. He would make me stay up all night with him. If I wanted to play a video game he would make me do "favors" in order to play them. A lot of the time he would threaten to hurt my younger siblings. The second uncle made me do things with him and my younger siblings. I was so scared. I didn't know who I could tell. M
Replied By: cindyloohuu on Oct 8, 2013, 7:09AM Hello I have been married for 16 years , we are separated now and have been since June of 2013 , I will list some things that had happened .... ***be for we got married .he told me a couple of his friends wanted us to go to a nice hotel it had a swimming pool and it was fancy, we would have our own room, i thought it was just something nice they were doing cause they didn't want to be bord, (I am I guess very nieive ) because it didn't dawn on me u
I have decided to use this blog as a journal about my therapy journey I started about 18months ago it has made a big difference still struggling with opening up told my story but not really the feeling connected with it ,I keep it in the hear and now where I'm comfortable as soon as we go back I feel panicky and exposed I trust her but still scared to risk because it makes me feel vulnerable like I did as a child ,iv been reading lots and learning about my inner child which sort of makes a lot
You have to have hope. Even though I constantly feel like crap I have to give myself a reason to get up every morning. A reason to keep talking, loving and recovering. My reason is my Lord Jesus Christ. He gets us through everything and things happen for a reason. So we can be stronger and live better. We all have gone through so much but we need to get better for our families and friends. Relationships are scary because of what happened to me. Commitment is what is the scariest becaus
That dark cloud over your head. That deep, dark, sad feeling that does not go away. You are faking a smile every day. You feel misunderstood constantly. You can not explain to people what is going on in your head. People that know me were friends with my ex and still are. And the sick thing?? They know what he did to me!!!!!!! Someday there will be justice. I do not know when, but sometime in the future.
I dont know where to start. This is my first blog ever. I dont talk to people. Not online and not in person. I am what some would call a hermit. My dogs are really my only friends.Over the last 8 months I have learned two things. 1 I cant do this alone.2 I am alone. So I found this site. This is my First Step in dealing with being JustBroken.
Sometimes I just want everyone to shut up. Stop telling me to forgive and move on. I want them to understand that it is not something you ever forget about. It is super frustrating and makes me want to scream. I have lost many friends through this.
Ive worked all night and wondered how i will handle the day. so many decisions and choices that could be the right or wrong ones at any time. sometimes being a grown up can be fun but most of the time it is just making sure we do what we are suppose to do to make it in this world we were delivered into to live. i dont like being a grown up anymore and i want to try the childhood everyone sees on tv. i want simplicity. i want to find pleasure in getting dirty in the yard or playing with the anima
Every bit of my self worth was torn away. You look in the mirror and you see an ugly, dirty, disgusting w**re who does not deserve anything in life. That is the way I have felt about myself for the past two years. Yes, I was date raped(oral raped) The "love of my life" or so I thought. The one who knelt down and proposed to me. Who told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He was the most emotionally abusive person and I did not even know it. I was so desperate for love t
What does a mother who survived childhood rape do to protect her children? They shield them from all the abuses of her past. Physical, mental & sexual. They educate them often, watch them diligently.....What does that mother do when yrs later she's told all of her efforts meant nothing? When registering I was asked if I was a survivor or supporter? There was no box for both. I feel like I live in this surreal universe that is playing the most perverse game imaginable! I'm finding no justice
I woke up this morning from a nightmare, again. It was a snow day, but I still woke up at 7:45. At 8:45 I went to my doctor. We upped my antidepressant medication and put me on an anxiety medication. I'm so scared of myself. I can't focus, and my grades are slipping; up until now I have been a straight A student. Now I have a C- in one of my classes. I haven't seen him since before Christmas break. I hope it doesn't change. I've been trying to write poetry, something like SLAM to use at t
Some memories are haunting me tonight. Back when payphones still existed, I was 14. I walked to the store to get a pack of cigarettes and to call a crisis line. My step-father had just done it again and I was feeling pretty bad. I couldn't call from home because mom would have been pissed. I remember talking to a woman that really tried to help me. I just couldn't report it like she was asking. I remember a tall slender man with brown hair and glasses pulling up in a van. I remember telling the
