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Things started getting hard for me and I reached out to someone to talk to about things a few weeks ago. Since then, I feel a tidal wave of feelings washing up waiting to crash down. Everything seems to be coming out at once. I can feel an overload trying to happen and I just don't know which way it will swing. I am already self-destructive and neck deep in addiction. It has been recommended that I go in-patient on a suicide watch but I won't go voluntarily. I would have to admit i'm falling apa
As of lately I feel more and more out of control. As if I can't get use to being safe. Its been 16 months since I've been away from all of the abuse and all I keep doing is wanting to go back to it. I feel as if I'm completely crazy. Or am I just so damaged that all my life can consist of is abuse to feel normal.. Some days I feel like a large part of me is missing because I'm no longer being abused. I'm unable to do anything anymore without second guessing myself. And I'm also find
Through 5 years of mental and emotional abuse, gaslighting, manipulation, mind games, disrespect, and assault, my ex/abuser taught me that I am not my own person. He took away "me" and made me who he wanted me to be. I was vulnerable and naive when we met and he seized the opportunity to mold me like clay into his perfect victim. I'm his puppet. We've been separated for 4 months. We've barely talked, but he is still pulling the strings in my head. He is my puppeteer, and I am dead inside. I am n
I need a space to throw out these feelings that are so quickly pulling me under. I try to turn to people in my life who might understand, but they all seem to be wading through their own piles of shit far deeper and wider than my own. What right do I have to ask them to stop and listen to me? Absolutely none. My problems are petty and pointless. That bothers me more than the problems themselves. You're just having a pity party. Man the fuck up. Can the world send someone to beat the life out of
Well, an update to my last post.... my mom recently found out what my stepdad was doing from his searches 'how to convince your stepdaughter to have sex' 'how to seduce your stepdaughter' i am now staying at my aunts while things get sorted out and he moves out.. thats only halfway to being free.. i still have to get over the tramatization.. the fears... the nightmares... the horrible thoughts... halfway there.
My luck sucks and it seems to have passed onto my friends. The guy I thought I might have a relationship with....he asked me for money. We've only been talking for 2 weeks and he wanted to borrow $10,000......that's over. My friend and his girlfriend had a talk this weekend and now they aren't talking...I love them both so I'm praying that it works out. It just seems to follow me like a black cloud......sorry I'm just feeling sad tonight.
I don't know that I want an answer. No, that's wrong, I definitely do. I want to be heard. I've been holding a lot inside, but I do want to be heard. That bastard....Campus rape. My first semester. Nothing ever seems to go right for me, as soon as I endeavor on something new I always get my heart ripped out and stomped on. I should report him. I COULD report him. I could make him pay for what he did. I wish I wasn't so scared. So scared of what might happen if I open my mouth. I don't know how i
So its been 16 months since i was last attacked. And honestly i cant get use to being safe. It scares me so much to be this way. Im so use to living every day wondering "will this be the day my mother kills me" or " will my uncle finally finish me off so i cant tell again". See my entire life has been one bad thing or another. My earliest memory is of my father sodomizing me. Then i have a mother who is not mentally stable and that's when shes sober. Which most of the time she was sober but she
Today I did something for me. I washed my hair, showered, cleaned my home, and exercised my body. This may not seem like a big deal to anyone else but this is coming from a person who previously couldn't get out of the bed. I look like a normal, healthy person but deep inside I'm a frightened little girl burying herself with food and using her fat as a shield. Today is different. Today I did something for me.
Usually I go swing when I'm upset but today it just drove me further from my family. I feel this overwhelming amount of depression. IT's getting in the way of my relationship with my husband. I feel he could do so much better than me.to be honest I'm starting to feel like a drone day in and day out. I feel like maybe some space or a break from each other might help. I honestly don't want to confront him with that I know it would kill him that's I just don't know What to do anymore. Maybe I'm not
So it's been a bit since I wrote anything....I thought I was doing better but then I slip down the slope again. I don't know why I do the things I do. I keep doing things that I know are wrong and stupid. The other night, a guy I was suppose to hook up with but we missed each other....probably a good thing. He texts me out of the blue. Asks if I want to make money....I knew I should've said no but I was curious. Stupid, stupid, stupid.....He just wanted photos. I've always said no but he was ann
I was abused by my step father ages 11-16. He was the only father I had ever known. He has been with my mom since she was a few months pregnant with me. Is this still incest since he was only a step father or not? I don't want to share anything in the wrong forum.
So I am new to this website. Where do you even start when joining a group such as this?. Well, here it goes. My story. Almost 14 years ago when I was a 16 year high school student, I decided to walk to my boyfriend's house. The same street I walked down everyday. Only this time was different. As I started to walk, I had the strangest feeling. I literally stopped and said out loud to myself "you'll be ok." That is the first time I had ever felt alittle uneasy and reassured myself I walk this way
This site overlooking peoples posts has been super relatable. i dont want to just throw my whole story out there but you know. no one on here really knows who i am.... You ever like had something bad to you and you know you do the right thing and tell someone and they make you seem crazy.. so after months go by your only resource is for you boyfriend to save you..my story is all sorts of everywhere. when i was about 11 i started crushing on this boy i had class with. we didnt original start dati
I found this chat group through an old website called dancing in the darkness. It helps me a lot to read everybody's stories and there's sadly hundreds of stories on that site that I can relate to. It really encourages me to keep going I still go to that site even though nobody's wrote on it since 2006. Is that healthy or OK?
He was the first man I was with. I met him our freshman year of college. He was 21, and I was 18. I was a cutter with no self-esteem at all. I felt completely alone in the world, and he paid attention to me. It seems stupid now, but at the time, he seemed so mature and intelligent. He seemed grounded and like he knew himself really well. He had had a terrible childhood full of abuse and neglect. He had no family, no resources, and when he came to Lancaster Bible College, he was fresh out of pris
Today I realized that loving my husband and dealing with my past can be hard. He tries to understand the best he can but he hasn't been through it so it's hard. He's a great listener. It gets hard to not let your past get in the way of your Love life. I still have nightmares and flash backs and panic attacks. I just try to get through it
Sometimes I feel like I am on top of the world and that I am not upset or hurt or feeling anything negative about what happened to me. Sometimes I feel like I can't even get out of bed in the morning. Can't put on clothes or even stand up. Sometimes I can't sleep at night. Sometimes I can't bear to be touched by my husband. Sometimes I feel like I absolutely HAVE to be touched by my husband. Like I an't feel okay about anything particularly out relationship unless we are being intimate. I k
I wrote this last night. I had a jumble of thoughts in my head and writing always makes me feel a little better about things. As I started writing it came out like maybe I was writing for someone or even to someone. That wasn't really my intention. But I thought I might like to post here for others to see. I don't know that it really fits anywhere though. Imagine the most terrible thing that has ever happened to you. Now imagine while this terrible thing was happening you didn't understand it
Today marked the six year anniversary of the event that changed my life (acquaintance/date rape). More than that, that event created a lifestyle of fear. I let friends, though looking back they weren't even that, use me because saying no made me afraid. Afraid that if they didn't listen, I would go through this all over again. My friends now tell me that this made me strong, and though i struggle to love the person I am today, I hate the flashbacks, the guilt, the discredit I was given. Though I
