Jump to content

Blogs

 

my place in this world

i decided to take a break from AS hoping maybe i could heal and deal with myself and problems without being a burden to someone else. i have tried as hard as i could to stay away because i felt like all i was doing was upsetting others, that i didnt belong here anymore, lost and thought if i just push it out of my head it would all go away. it didnt work as much as i hoped. since i have been away several things have gone on that i guess made me come back to seek understanding and not feel so alo

amallison0084

amallison0084

 

*T* Ultimate Loss

He raped me once He raped me twice, I had to pay the fucking price He knocked me up I miss carried Heavy shit on life It's what I see Now Someday I hope he'll pay. Karma will get him I hope my pain goes away It's not fair My body used Then I had the baby blues That was taken A few weeks later More grieving for me The arsehole u see He's the one who's walking free

Melz

Melz

 

Masked

Happy front Hidden tears Practise from many years I silence myself Don't speak unless it's kind Mum taught me that much Had the marks belted into me from behind. She was tough Deep deep sadness Never to surface To many scars unseen A life time of hurt. I overcome all things Many take time I push on through Like I've always had to Strong and alone Makes the road so dark I'm still standing I always find my spark. Don't judge me Unless you've been in my

Melz

Melz

 

I am tired

I am tired Tired of holding hurt Tired of holding pain Some days I think, that I am going insane. I am tired Tired of being scared Tired of being brave Some days I just want to break down and have that be ok. I am tired Tired of power and control Tired of judgement to People being ugly to one another Verbally and unspeakable. Hidden from view I am just tired I just want to rest I want to live a life A life at my best So let me take a break Let me

Melz

Melz

 

*T* wounded 1 year ago today

A penis A Bottle Your fingers to You think it's your right To help yourself, through and through  The word Stop! The word No! Ignored as if they were never said You hurt me alot Drew blood to This was just after  You left your residue I'm emotionally numb In shock you could say Nothing will ever Take this amount of pain away. What makes it worse, I write this today Even though it marks a year Seems like it

Melz

Melz

 

Sad insights to a broken soul

Lights do shine Darkness does fade Bad things happen It's not how we are made. It hurts so much No power, no care I was left, just lying there Deshevilled and distressed I don't understand why This is me now, I am a mess I want to express my world of pain But nothing comes, just silence and shame. I have been wounded in almost every way Damaged goods, no bright future for me I can not be fixed, just healed with time I jus

Melz

Melz

 

I'm getting married!

To whom it may concern, Weird that some happy news might be on my blog haha. But I am getting married. To a man I barely know I know it seems crazy but he is the person who will never hurt me. I don't know why I feel this way. I can't understand it but when he looks at me....I don't wanna look away. When he smiles at me....I'm not scared of what he might think if he ever found out what happened to me. When he touches me....I don't wanna pull away. He loves me and I feel it. Like I rea

AllyHatter

AllyHatter

 

Too Much Going On

Hi all! I just need to let some stuff off my chest so I can maybe start to focus a little better and not always seem like such a downer. (I don't know if I seem rude to others but I know I've definitely been a lot sassier and more mouthy within these past few weeks) So life lately has been very hectic, I'm working 30+ hours each week plus 2 online classes which I'm trying to get basically done within the next week or so, so that way I can have at least a few weeks of "relaxing" before

elaina

elaina

 

Crazy busy and now there is time to think!

Hi All  It got terribly busy with advertising-related annual deadlines.  This was my first time 'solo' taking flight with the previous Ad Queen who supported me through our annual directory rush.  WHEW!  It's over thankfully.  We are a small demographic in this large metro area and most of our support related directly to community is done by volunteers.  It's a labor of love and hardly work when the impacts over time help improve the lives of others. Most recently we were notified that

2Siamese

2Siamese

 

Nightmare

I had a bad dream where an ex-friend molested me. He never did in real life but another friend had molested me before. So I guess that was a way for my brain to remind me I'm not okay yet. I need to talk to my therapist about this. It made me nauseous to think about it. 

Roni_GAVE

Roni_GAVE

 

Crazy Nervous and Something New

I had a crazy busy and I mean... difficult challenge looming for a few months.  Thankfully, the honesty I met is that I was certainly never alone.  We were "studying a foreign ancient language" and needed to be able to do this as women in front of a crowd. Never intimidating. (*coughs*) Congratulations to every one of the six that went through class and made it.  OMG it was a nerve-wracking orientation over two days but I am so proud of every single one of us! We might be older th

2Siamese

2Siamese

 

Secrets I Kept

The other day at a thrift store, I was hit by another hidden part of my trauma, a t-shirt with the travel destination Vail on it, I froze, that shirt took me back again to right before the divorce. My dad went to a convention without mom so when he came home she kicked him out and within seconds ordered me to go get him, so I went outside and got in the car, he was crying and then informed he had met a woman he loved, not as much as me, he wanted me more than her, I was nine, then he handed me a

teleah

teleah

 

Secrets I Kept

The other day at a thrift store, I was hit by another hidden part of my trauma, a t-shirt with the travel destination Vail on it, I froze, that shirt took me back again to right before the divorce. My dad went to a convention without mom so when he came home she kicked him out and within seconds ordered me to go get him, so I went outside and got in the car, he was crying and then informed he had met a woman he loved, not as much as me, he wanted me more than her, I was nine, then he handed me a

teleah

teleah

 

Secrets I Kept

The other day at a thrift store, I was hit by another hidden part of my trauma, a t-shirt with the travel destination Vail on it, I froze, that shirt took me back again to right before the divorce. My dad went to a convention without mom so when he came home she kicked him out and within seconds ordered me to go get him, so I went outside and got in the car, he was crying and then informed he had met a woman he loved, not as much as me, he wanted me more than her, I was nine, then he handed me a

teleah

teleah

 

Installment Two: The Party

Also posted in Share Your Story: Installment Two:  The Party  I am now fast-forwarding, (or rewinding, depending on how old I was in your minds upon completing reading of the first installment) to when I was seventeen years old as I bring to you all, installment 2 of my story.   This is the full, uncensored version of what was shared back in 2007. One would think that as time goes on, you’re likely to forget some details.   While that may be the case for some, I W

Capulet

Capulet

 

Installment One: The Formative Years

Also posted in Share Your Story: Installment One: The Formative Years I was born on a snowy winter morning in 1978.  Originally, I wasn’t planning to reveal my age – but felt there was some importance in divulging the time frame.  I DO believe that there is FAR more awareness now than there was back then.  Maybe, just maybe things would have turned out differently.  Maybe it would have set off an entirely different chain of events. Maybe I wouldn’t be writing this, now. As life is full

Capulet

Capulet

 

Yes -- It's the wee hours and I answer my phone

"Hey... can you help out this girl?" "Sure." I glance at the time and realize it is the DV "witching hour" as well as good training for the security guard who has a bit of trust I will do what is correct. "Hand the phone over to her, please." "Okay." "I am really sorry that we are speaking and if you're not comfortable talking about what is going on right now I understand that as well.  Just know you have someone in your corner who you can call and will indeed follow up.

2Siamese

2Siamese

 

Putting together the pieces of me...again.

* This is also posted in Share Your Story.   My story first appeared within the forums back in 2007.  I’d just joined After Silence, and my trauma had occurred eleven years prior to that.  Now, coming up on 23 years since I was raped, it has occurred to me that while my story remains the same, my perspective on it has greatly evolved.  Much can be said for the passage of time – to include the coming to light of details that perhaps were overlooked or otherwise censored the first time I’d ch

Capulet

Capulet

 

cant sleep

i can never fall asleep anymore. And when i do I have nightmares... Idk what to do help!

music24

music24

 

I'm lost

I'm so lost idk what to do. Trigger warning! A few months ago i was sexually assualted. A little background on me I come from an abusive background as a kid and i am not good at expressing my feelings. So To clear my mind I go for walks usually at night when my mindset gets really bad. I really am not able to tell people this part, i'm suicidal. and I have had this mindset since I was 13 and Im 19 now... Going back to what happened a few months ago, I was at my university and it was around

music24

music24

 

Finally....

The results are in and they are normal. One month, hours of worry and a few tears shed. It would have been nice to know this when they knew it. But better late than never, right? So, the biopsy did show that I am facing the same situation as 8 years ago. I have been there and I know what that means. I know what that process looks like. So now I wait for an appointment so I can get someone to take me since It requires me to be under. I decided not to do a hysterectomy. Emotionally, I just ca

aperson

aperson

 

It's official now...

Hello, everyone!   I am hoping this finds you all well.   While I am doing fine health-wise, I'm not doing so great with my sleeping.  There are some days when I think I've got it all under control and then there are other days when I revert back to what has grown to be all too familiar.  While food shopping last week, I found a bottle of NyQuil that is set to expire in three months - it was marked down to $2, so I grabbed it.  I have it sitting on my desk as a reminder to go to sleep

Capulet

Capulet

 

Big banking... and financial wheel of power and violence

Over the weekend, I took the opportunity to leverage my own voice on behalf of however many thousands if not millions were impacted by the horrifying behavior of Wells Fargo.  I related and articulated on those regulatory-mandated recorded lines my own personal story (paraphrased) and how the financial sector itself perpetuates interpersonal violence. My point was... we are in a zero-trust arena in the field of cybersecurity.  Two of their former retired employees exerted obnoxious and high

2Siamese

2Siamese

×
×
  • Create New...