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About ainedb

  • Birthday 10/21/1984

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    running, cycling, mountain climbing, walking, rowing, mma, muay thai, kickboxing, art, sketching, painting, biology, kitties, puppies, animals in general, cooking, baking, singing, playing piano, massages, friends, movies, reading, music, dancing, gardening

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  1. Oh hon, it's ok to fall apart once in a while! And you are not alone, not in the least. We are all only human, and we survivors have been through so much! PM me if you need to! I have been dealing with depression for years, and I know just how you feel. After my abuse I felt like I was a totally different person than who I'd always intended to be. I hated myself for it. Now, I hate myself because of my eating disorder, but that's a different story. I guess we just must learn to accept that sometimes things in life happen to us which we have little or no control over, and we need to let go of the guilt and self-blame which feeds into a lot of our self-hatred. It's hard to do, and I don't really know the how of it, just that it takes time and it takes a lot of gentle care of yourself to do it. GO for walks, take calm baths, try to pamper yourself a little. Another one of the things that helped me was volunteering; I went to an animal shelter and saw the poor kittens and dogs who were feeling as abused as I was and I was able to hold them and love them a little and do what I can to make their lives better. In the end it helped me love myself a little more, too. Whatever you do, remember you are not alone, and that as cliche as it sounds you will find yourself again and this too will pass. If you have a therapist to talk to that might help, and he or she may recommend an anti-depressant to get you through some of the worst of it.
  2. Hello, I'm glad you found After Silence. I hope here you have a place you can feel comfortable talking about things you may not be ready to share out loud. I know this place helped a lot when I was first starting to come to terms with my story and gave me the courage to face a lot of the issues that eventually surfaced. I'm sorry you had to go through such an awful experience. I can only sympathize with the betrayal you must have felt through it all-- I have had a similar story and I know how much it hurts. I am proud of you for being able to come here and share.
  3. Uhhh, the people who act like they have as many or bigger problems than yours... not that anyone has the right to compare problems with anyone else, who are we to know, but belittling somebody's problems does nobody any good. And dealing with SA makes it about a billion times harder to deal with so many other regular everyday things that other people do without thinking, that just regular life has a habit of being a problem for survivors trying to heal. People just dealing with "normal" life issues and problems don't often know that, or refuse to acknowledge it. Ughhhh why don't people ever understand.
  4. I understand that... but this is typically about every fifteen minutes, when I'm only signed onto one computer at a time. Sometimes it lasts longer, but if I'm busy typing on a reply on one page for a while or I let the screen go idle I get logged out.
  5. I've got cookies set up. Also, I use one wireless computer and two not. One of the desktops is at work and one is at home... so all kind of systems, but as far as I can tell the cookies do fine.
  6. I have the "remember me" clicked and so I sign in... and then 5 minutes later I click something to view a post, change topics, or even more annoying, to post a topic that I took time writing, and I get the message that I need to sign in again, and then I have to start all over. Is there a reason I can't stay signed in (no matter which computer I'm using)? Is there a setting I need to specifically chose so that I'm not always getting logged out somehow? Thanks!
  7. Welcome! I remember my first post... and it does indeed make a difference to speak with people who have experienced what you have (as you said, you parents, therapist, and boyfriend may be wonderful but can they truly understand). I hope you find what you are looking for here! I'll admit it didn't take me long to be "obsessed" with this place at all! Such a wonderful group of people...
  8. Rape is still rape, no matter what "kind" it was. You were taken advantage of and cruelly treated and you have every right to be here. :welcome:
  9. I haven't a clue how to use it, otherwise I might try it. I've gotten PMs and those are enough usually. Then again, I'm always on AIM and prefer that to anything else...
  10. I'm glad you found AS! This place is so supportive to me I hope it helps you as much. Take your time and get comfortable.
  11. I would love to do this! I think I would cry just getting this in the mail (in a good way of crying). Let me know if this is going to happen.
  12. Hello and welcome to AS!
  13. New

    Hi hon, I'm so glad you are willing to post here. I hope it helps you as much as it has helped me. Contact me any time you need to!
  14. Welcome. We are here to listen if you need to talk!
  15. Hi! Welcome to AS!