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About Macey

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    building bridges
  • Birthday 10/18/1973

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  1. Reporting varies so much in each individual experience. I guess it's worth remembering that you can expect to be treated with dignity and given support at the time of reporting, anything less and somebody isn't doing their job? I was lucky, I did have a supportive liaison officer who took the time to show up and feedback etc. I also had a supportive husband, who I shut out and wouldn't let near. In many respects the fight to protect him from hearing what had happened was bigger and harder than the reporting itself? I think the most challenging part for me was damage done to relationships. A few friendships took a hit for a while (because they were involved in the court hearing), and a comment to the effect that I didn't do enough in court to ensure a conviction (from somebody who wasn't there incidentally!) came as a blow. With hindsight the best place to put such a remark is where it the ignorant box...but as you know humans can be funny things, we don't always apply common sense and I subsequently internalised the remark and held myself entirely to blame for a not guilty verdict for a long time afterwards. (Truth is that maybe I was having that niggle in the first place?). With time I've come to put the whole court process in it's place, equally I've come to understand the responses of friends, and those around at the time. I recognise that the not guilty verdict doesnt translate to 'we a whole jury think you are a liar' but rather 'we a jury haven't been presented with enough evidence to remove ALL reasonable doubt'. I don't kid myself and pretend that maybe they secretly wanted to convict lol, but equally I understand that it was a legal process and I wasn't being judged. It's difficult to step away from it though and not take the whole thing personally and I occasionally find myself reverting to old patterns of thinking. I'm not without moments when I might beat myself up about it, but equally in those moments I can beat myself up about just about anything, so hardly a yardstick to judge by? Generally I have a clearer perspective on the process and can now see it rationally. I did what I needed to do at the time, and I handled it the only way that I could at the time. Regardless of the outcome, and the headache it brought me, it was the right thing to do at the time and I don't regret it. Hindsight is cruel, and the reporting process isn't the piece of cake we need it to be at the time. I don't know if I would report again with the benefit of hindsight but I am aware that my viewpoint is a little distorted by virtue of having had the experience. This probably makes it hard for anybody who has been through the process to be entirely positive about it? Would I encourage somebody else to report? Probably every time. Is there a counsellor / therapist you could talk through your options with?
  2. It can be hard to redirect the conversation from small talk in T...can you can explain to your T what you have explained here? Perhaps he/she would then understand that this is something you are struggling with and you are seeking guidance with? I'm sure your T would have suggestions on how to help you with this, or help you find a route which is comfortable for you? Macey
  3. Hi Bewitched, when you post there should be a window in the top left hand corner of the containing pics/ see those available for use in posts click on 'Show All'...and click on the emoticon you wish to use. Alternatively there is a dropdown menu next to the fonts at the top of the window. There are also shortcuts you can type to use these, they are listed at the side of those emoticons in the window. Hope this helps macey
  4. hi Kayte Welcome to AS, I'm sure you will find support here
  5. Hi karolina Welcome to AS - who's offering icecream?
  6. Hi It can be near impossible to work when you feel depressed! motivation, concentration etc are at their worst at times! I dont know if you are somewhere that you can get counselling? But even if you do, why not consider anti depressants? I guess you may have been down that route before at least once or twice but I am sure you know they wont cure your PTSD. They can help give you the strength to face changes though, as you already know it can be very tough. Also, I dont know where you are but it would be worth asking your GP if he can recommend appropriate services or your psych if you are still under him? There are usually services set up specifically to help with situations like yours, whereby you are having domestic issues and dont know what help there is to get, support services arent just restricted to the 'relate' format of trying to patch things up these days, there may be options out there your GP or practice nurse can suggest. It is a massive step to take - reaching out for support! Well done, there is plenty to go around here!
  7. Welcome to AS, it is a good place !
  8. Hi

    Thanks for your kindness folks.
  9. Hi

    Hello, I don' t know what to say? I just needed somewhere to go, and here I am!