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About sjudmajo

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  • Birthday 11/02/1967

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    Midwest US
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    Judith S

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  1. Hi Ok. I found the kpouse thread i was looking for. I see where they moved it too. I am not used to the new changes. yet. Also though the response in the welcome page i had about return is no longer there. I dont know why. I will contact you but i will wait. Other irons in the fire. but wanted to let you know this before When i keep the posts etc that come to my email. I click on them and it shows it is no longer there. SO i am wondering do they delete stuff that others respond to me about regarding my intro. I cant find the responses to my intro in the welcome thing. Judith
  2. HI Sorry this is late. I tried to search for the response of what others replied to me on regarding this. And it said it was deleted. I even search for the person name that he and i did a thread in. that everyone like that i did find months ago that someone help me to find. But now i cant find it now. Judith
  3. HI I thought i had put a new intro here or something. I dont remember what it was or if it is in another section. That may be it. A few of teh people responded to my email/post and i was going to reply back thank them etc. but due to local circumstances beyond my control i was unable to until now. I cant find it now. Judith
  4. Hi Is there going to be anything done for new members join? I have referred several people to the site and they say they havent been approved...? Is the persons that still run the organization still around? Judith
  5. Hi I joined around 2005 or so. Somewhere in there. Me and another person name Ken who was a secondary survivor and i talk on the main board in secondary survivor section. We had a long conversation on the main board. and it was put in the pinned section after a certain amount of time. The pinned section was called hot topic at that time. I cant find it anymore. It used to be on there. What happen to it? Did Aftersilence delete alot of posts after they reformatted the site? ???????????? I cant find it under my name and cant find it under my other ID. I dont think I change my ID I came on when brobbitt was on here. IF anyone remembers him Judith
  6. i I had an intro on here that was from while back that was not .. whatever at a loss for words. In yahoogroups that I am/was a part of the comment was always made about if I was from another country. due to how I wrote. So I am putting info in here to show that is not the case It is not easy for me to talk about myself. I was on here awhile back when brobbit was on here. I have been on here off and on due to jobloss and living with parents. I am hopefully moving for the last time to another apartment due to being unemployed permanently. For me it is easier to do a list of intro about me than a written form. I will write some items in written form but at the end so it is understandable. I hope I don't repeat I am in a different phase of healing so listening is what it is and it is helping. I am a friendly listener and would love to talk to you in PM or offlist. Give back to the group what brobbit gave me when he was in the group. feel free to ask questions. I know I am forgetting something best thing that happen to me was being in a group like this and talking to mentors online through email. My T encourage the interaction and saw that it was helping me. One thing I can encourage you to remain here and write etc it helps. I live in America since birth and ancestor since 1776. I share from experience, what I have received from others etc. I am reserved, hard for me to talk about me. It is hard for me to pick up on cues on the internet, I sometimes have a hard time processing things online I like to "Help" others. Whatever that word means now days even on here. I have never lived in another country. I have only live in the US. My ancestor from England. Ancestory served under George Washington I will be unemployed permanently from now on at 46 as of this writing 2013 due to employers testing applicants before one can get a job so that is why I will not have one the rest of my life. learn by listening to others etc. I don't like debates I sometimes have to think in order to write something I am not needy. I seek to be affirm and confirm which is why I listen instead of write on here. I seek to be understood and seek understanding I have been a victim of a crime and know what it is like to be trapped. I have experience severe sexual abuse. Prior to year 1998 I had no friends etc and didn't seek counseling until age 30-read everything I can get my hands on and still read and have had a mentor on here and other places to help me heal. I have known severe rejection what inspires me is someone healing I have pragmatic language challenges I am not disabled I have travel in the US characteristics: somebody who doesn't admit their wrong interests are music from 50s, inspirational, I read computer, write, date etch in my mind is sept 11 -that was a week later I had moved into my apartment. Hope to volunteer soon I cant see your facial expressions so it would help if you could put something in there on that. I tend to create misunderstandings a lot I speak the truth and give facts I share what I have overcome I am nervous to put this and other stuff on here about me. historical, self help, novels books I read computer is a pain sometimes. I speak from experience, read books, what others have said, what has helped me, research, facts, I struggle with EQ not IQ don't need counseling but have it for support due to parents I only watch dvd from the past I have taken psychology courses in the fall , read up on historical stuff especially since 2005 and in a yahoo support online group I had a member ask me if I was a professional and I said no -She said I sure sound like one. I may have accidently pick up on the whatever it is from my therapist I had in early 2000s -I have been told I talk like one. I am not one but only share what has helped me to heal with that stuff. weakness perfectionistich I grew up in a religious domestic violence home , got counseling for 3 years age age 30, . I had to have it in order to be able to write to you on here. Prior to 1998 I had no friends that was one of the reasons why I sound counseling. I am still learning in relationships what I experience in one I take to the next one. hearing from others benefit me more especially on here. animals had a pet and it is deceased I use IM etc. learn from others participation: I heal by listening and not sure what to say flowers rose I hate conflicts-unless someone works it out with me money is the pits last time I cried -a lot of stuff here locally
  7. Adding to my intro and updating it slightly I am moved into my apartment for the second time. and so I am struggling with that since Jan and want to write in the group on a regular basis. I am trying to do that asap. I want to do it and wanted to do it starting in jan after I moved in in Dec but had moving issues and still do at this point. So I am trying to get regular with it. Those of you who have responded to me or I responded to you please write me again. I am still here etc. Judith
  8. I am trying to post and update in this section about my writing in etc. and it wont take it Does anyone know why it wont and why it says image is not accepted or something like that? Judith
  9. testing Judith
  10. HI Welcome. Dont be afraid to contact me anytime. To talk etc. Judith
  11. Hi I am a member here and want to get back to respond and writing in etc. I moved into a second apartment due to job loss and have been a long time member but since Aug of last year i had to kind of put writing in here on hold which i didnt want to do but parents are jerks and so force me to move in Dec -long story -suffice it to say tah is why i have not been writing in here and want to and will asap. I have been trying to get thigns settled due to internet problems etc. So barring unforeseen circumstances next week-i will start picking up where i left off and so on For those of you i have written please write. I can still write you in between writing on here. Judith;
  12. sorry you have to be here. but you can contact me anytime to talk offlist or what have you Judith
  13. See responses below yours Hi I am new here and am after some answers I am too embarrassed to ask anyone I know. I grew up in a very close family. Everyone shared everything with everyone. I am not sure if other families are similar to mine in this way and am way to embarrassed to ask someone. I hated being so close in the ways I describe below and this made me keep so much to myself later in life so I did not have to share. Some examples: Judith; Closeness in a unhealthy family Is not healthy. There are two different kinds of closeness. one with boundaries sexual etc and another that isn't. I remember as a teenager having thrush and my Step father and mother examined me down there. I remember being in terrible pain from the thrush and my Mum asked my step father to insert the thrush implement into me as he would be gentle and not hurt me. He did. Is this normal? Judith; No that is not normal. It sounds like my mother with a different part of the body. That is not healthy. Your mother an father had sexual boundary issues. Your mother should have never let your father do that. THat is her responsibility from before age 12. She can teach you how to do it. They teach -the doc teens how to do it and have info out there on it. So that is uncalled for. When growing up, my mum would also get my stepdad to check my breasts for lumps. These are just 2 examples. Can anyone please help me out here. Ive been stewing over this for years and have, but will never ask anyone. Thanks for your help Judith; again that is uncalled for., you were violated and your boundaries were violated. That is not how that Is handled. sharing see below BOUNDARIES There are four types of boundaries that develop in human beings: physical, sexual, emotional and spiritual. Physical and sexual boundaries are external, while emotional and spiritual ones are internal mechanisms. Each of these may be characterized by a position statement. Physical boundaries: I have the right to determine when, where, how, and who is going to touch me. I have the right to determine how close someone is going to stand next to me. Sexual boundaries: I have the right to determine with whom, where, when and how I am going to be sexual with someone. Emotional boundaries: What I think or feel or do or don't do is more about me than it is about you. Conversely, what you think and feel or do or don't do is more about you than it is about me. Spiritual boundaries: I have the right to think and believe as I do. I need only face the consequences of my thinking. Boundaries may be visualized as an inverted bell jar that exists around a person. It is flexible and permeable. For instance, if I choose to hug someone, I choose to allow them into my physical boundary, as they choose to let me into theirs. If I choose to be sexual with someone, I choose to let them into my physical and sexual boundaries. If I choose to share my deepest feelings, I allow a person to enter my emotional boundary. Allowing a person access to ourselves, inside our boundaries, is a gesture of trust and intimacy. We make ourselves vulnerable. We can either experience affirmation or be wounded to the core. Boundaries offer protection from the emotional or physical assaults of others. Healthy boundaries though not perfect, allow a person to experience a comfortable interdependence with other people, resulting in generally functional relationships and positive self-regard. Damaged boundaries operate inconsistently and often dysfunctionally. They are the result of mixed messages and abuse, and are usually related to abusive relationships in the individual's family of origin and/or relationships of choice. Walls protect the person who has constructed them but do not let anything in or out. This person lives in a state of loneliness, possibly protected from the assaults of others, but also prevented from establishing trusting and intimate relationships. People with walled boundaries have generally been deeply hurt by others and have erected barriers to prevent being hurt again by others' actions, thoughts and feelings. No boundaries is the opposite extreme from walled ones. A person with no boundaries is unable to prevent unwanted intrusions and may be unaware that it is possible to do so. At the very least, sexual assault and abuse are violations of a person's boundaries. People with healthy boundaries can have them damaged during assaults. Sexual assaults have repercussions on all levels of a person's boundary system. It is for this reason that healing from sexual assault and abuse is a slow and painful process. SIGNS OF HEALTHY BOUNDARIES Appropriate trust Revealing a little of yourself at a time, then checking to see how the other person responds to your sharing Moving step by step into intimacy Putting a new acquaintanceship on hold until you check for compatibility Deciding whether a potential relationship will be good for you Staying focused on your own growth and recovery Weighing the consequence before acting on sexual impulse Being sexual when you want to be sexual--concentrating largely on your own pleasure rather than monitoring reactions of partner Maintaining personal values despite what others want Noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries Noticing when someone invades your boundaries Saying "NO" to food, gifts, touch, sex you don't want Asking a person before touching them Respect for others--not taking advantage of someone's generosity Self-respect--not giving too much in hope that someone will like you Not allowing someone to take advantage of your generosity Trusting your own decisions Defining your truth, as you see it Knowing who you are and what you want Recognizing that friends and partners are not mind-readers Clearly communicating your wants and needs (and recognizing that you may be turned down, but you can ask) Becoming your own loving parent Talking to yourself with gentleness, humor, love and respect
  14. Hi I will IN the meantime, Don't be afraid to write things on here too. Judith
  15. Hi I am sorry no one has responded to you yet. THey usually do the support leader team. It may be they just haven't seen it yet. I am not a leader on the site. just a member I am always reading and responding-sorry for the delay. I just don't always get to it right away Judith