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About 2n3393

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  1. Welcome...I hope you find some comfort, peace and understanding from the lovely people on AS. We are all here for each other and there is bound to be someone in a similar situation that can help you process all of this. Good luck!
  2. Sorry you are having a bad day...I'm reading but not at home and it's hard to post on the phone.
  3. I'm sorry I trusted you.
  4. What would change??? I would feel peace. Calm in the midst of the storm. Storms will always be around. I would feel joy. Not fake happiness. Genuine joy. I would enjoy intimacy with my husband. I would accept that I am not perfect. And that I don't need to be. Good enough would be just that: good enough. I would truly believe good things about me. I wouldn't have excuses. I wouldn't have justification for being angry. I wouldn't have to be in control of everything...all the time. I wouldn't feel responsible for other people's happiness (or lack thereof) I wouldn't feel fake, phoney, or as if I was "pretending" all the time. I would just be real. And that would be OK.
  5. Hi

    Laura...I'm happy you found this site. It is really comforting to talk with others who have a more intimate knowledge of the kinds of things you went through, are feeling, etc. Friends and family are great and I'm glad you have that wonderful support...but sometimes you may feel that they just don't understand or want you to rush through the healing process. I'm assuming that you are talking to a professional counselor/therapist...you have a wonderful attitude and I have no doubt that you will get through this and come out stronger on the other side. Welcome...I hope you can draw strength from others here...
  6. I was thinking the same thing. But then again, I was quite naive about the whole subject of sa until I read some of the posts on these forums...
  7. Cat...I kept it bottled up for 27 years and I can tell you: it's gonna have to come out and be dealt with eventually. It can make you physically and mentally miserable. I was like your husband: saying the past is in the past...can't change what happened, what good will talking and "dwelling" on it do now? But believe me...you will feel so much better when you can spill all that poison out of you. If your husband isn't supportive of you going to formal counseling...maybe you can find someone...a minister, a trusted friend...someone you can talk to. At the very least get on here and read the posts. You will find that you are NOT alone. Share when you are ready, but please...if nothing else...get in your car, drive around with the radio on and talk out loud to yourself. It needs to be verbalized. It gets easier eventually. Wishing you all the best.
  8. I think talking about it to the right person will make you feel better. I struggle with telling...I want to tell my 2 best friends because they are supporting me now and don't know what the heck I'm going through. It's too late for me to warn other people about him... Maybe talking about it on these boards will satisfy your need to tell for awhile...until you can assess the situation and decide if it would be helpful to tell your sisters. For me...I am not going to tell anyone who by knowing this, it would be more hurtful than helpful. My mom for instance. She would feel so bad for me...and there is nothing to gain from her getting so upset (fyi....no family abuse or anything like that in my case). Maybe someday I'll be strong enough to be open about the situation and be a resource for other women struggling with this...
  9. I understand...and feel very much like you do. I haven't shared my whole story yet on here or even with my therapist or husband. It's coming out little by little and I think it is easier that way. Like everyone else said...just take your time, read what others write...respond if you want. Give yourself time to feel safe and trusting and maybe you'll be ready one of these days to share. You have something valuable to offer here...because one of these days someone new will post a message like yours and you can say, "I understand, I've been there" and they will be so grateful that they found someone else who knows how they feel. Peace to you...
  10. I think it does get easier to tell people...but I don't really know because I've only told my therapist and my husband (and I kept it from him the entire 23 years we have been married until about 3 weeks ago). Mine happened a long time ago, too...and my way of dealing with it then and up until about 6 months ago was to to shove it deep inside and try not to ever think about it. Didn't work, of course. I too started therapy for something (I thought) that was totally different and we just got around to the incident about 6 weeks ago. So it is almost like it's happening new all over again. Who do you want to tell and why?
  11. I think your ability to write your thoughts clearly will be a huge help in your healing process! Proud of you for taking the leap...
  12. Welcome to both of you! I hope that you will find the site helpful...lots of good, honest, discussions are happening here: don't be afraid to share. You will feel better and less alone. Lots of us on here have been in similar situations and I find relief in knowing that someone else knows what I am going through...and I draw strength from fellow survivors. Good luck!